How do you think you will feel when your parent is gone?

I can relate to you; my mother passes away suddenly and unexpectedly, needless to say it was a shock. I thought we would have more time. I know, like you that I could have been more attentive and could have done more for her but I did the best I could at that time. My mom said it took her 2 years for the grief she felt from her mother passing to ease. I don't think it took me that long; while I still miss her daily and would love to have another day with her, the grief has changed over time. It's not as 'raw' as when she first passed. I think grief has it's own timetable for everyone and it happens gradually. While I would love to have my mom here, I would not want her back if she had to be sick or in pain. She had been in declining in health for 2 years but still a shock when she passed so suddenly. Caregiving is not always an easy job, and as a parent I know my child (adult) does the best he can do. As parents we love our children no matter what, surely she knew you cared for her and was doing the best you could. You will always miss her I don't think that ever goes away, however the rawness of the loss will easy over time. Every one grieves on their own timetable, give it time. Remember all the good things about your mom, cook her favorite recipes, love the rest of your family. Take care of yourself, allow yourself the time you need to grieve, exercise if nothing else but taking a walk, do something nice for someone else; bake cookies for a lonely neighbor, volunteer at the library and read to children, volunteer at your local hospital etc. Keeping busy is important and will help you to work through your grief. You can also seek counseling services, they will be able to help you. I'm sorry your mom passed away so quickly, I know what a shock that is. I'd like to say things will get better, don't despair for you can get through this. I keep my mom's memory alive by redoing her flower garden, by planting perennials of various colors and heights and adding decorative elements helps me to remember her and I think of her every time a flower blooms.

Having lost my mom to Alzheimer's this past Thanksgiving, I understand the range of emotions. During the time when things were bad and I did not understand all that was going on--I foun myself stressed, tired and sometimes angry. I got counseling and realized that what I was feeling was normal....I wanted the bad times to end....not that I wanted my mom to pass. We had the most amazing relationship for all the years before, it just got really hard at the end with the paranoia etc. After her passing, all I felt was all the love of all the years. And relief that she had made it to heaven to be with my dad and Thank God that she did not suffer too much. Now I often feel her spirit with me. It had been a long haul, so I am not enjoying myself and trying to get myself back into shape, getting sleep etc. And that is what she would have wanted. I still get worried at times...thinking I am hearing her call me. I even dreamed the other night that she had gone someplace without her cell phone (she was blind and never did but it was the dream) And I was freaking out because how would I call her, how could I take care of her, she would not be able to get help without her phone. But in the dream I went to the kitchen (oddly enough of my childhood) and mom had written me a note that she loved me and all was well. When I woke up, I felt better. I knew that she was still trying to comfort me from above. I understand these emotions will come and go.....the sadness and crying...etc....but I am doing what she would want me to do....LIVE.....life is super short. I realize that we really do need to find happiness everyday. I keep hearing Tim McGraw's song in my head....Live like you were dying.......seeing my dad go when I was 17 and my mom face many hard times....it makes all of us on the site who are coping through issues with our older loved ones realize that as hard as these times are, we need to make sure we take time for ourselves...everyday....and live. hugs

I lost my father when I was only 27 and living far away. I only saw him a few times during the time he was dying of cancer but I was there to say goodbye. As I age, I have more regrets that I was not there more (but I had a spouse and young children). He sas only 65 and I still miss him and feel cheated that I was never able to have an adult relationship with such a wonderful man whom I so much resemble both physically and intellectually. That was 40 years ago and surprisingly I feel the loss more now. I was close to my mother and she was a good mom, but she is no longer the person I knew, or thought she was especially now with full blown dementia. She had 40 more years than Dad, who loved life and had dozens of interests, but Mom didn't appreciate one day of it, did nothing with it but complain and rely on her children as her only interest. I'm not sure how I will feel when she passes, but probably a mixture of sadness because she has been a part of my life for 60+ years. But, honestly, I will mostly feel relief that she is no longer so unhappy and confused. For the past eight years her needs have dictated how my sister and I live our lives and by default also our husbands'. I will have no regrets because I have done all I can to make her comfortable and see to her every need, without thanks or recognition. I'm not the "favorite" daughter but I do more and now she doesn't even remember that I've been there. She is 100 and her life is not fulfilling or enjoyable so to be honest I will feel relieved and finally free to move on because I am a senior too and not in the best of health.