My 90 year old mom fell in her home few months ago. Has many health issues to include heart disease. Spent time in hospital and then 2 mos in rehab. Now back at home, but cannot be left alone.
Myself and 4 siblings take turns caring overnight for her. 2 sibs are retired and married so have taken on more of the care, dr. appts, handling her meds, etc because they have the time and can. The other 3, including me, take two days and one overnight.
When mom first fell and in hospital, I was told by eldest sib between her, my other retired sister, and me, we would take care of mom through this.
I right then told her, that I could not do as much as them. I’m not retired, don’t have a husband to help with home stuff, or in town kids to help, am running a household all by myself, supporting and helping my disabled child who now has no job, trying to find a home to move to, handling all those financials for the home, and planning the move during a pandemic. Also dealing with atty. to try to get money owed us from ex. Plus dealing with sick animal.
I told her I would help best I could as she is my mom too and I do want to help.
I received horrid text msg from baby sister all caps yelling, telling me I was selfish and a narcissist. Not helping enough, how badly mom needs help now.
Funny, this one went through a bad divorce many years ago in which all of us helped her. Thought she might understand what I was dealing with, but absolutely no help from her. crickets when I went through my divorce.
I finally was able to move, no less over Xmas week with the help of my own other children. I told my siblings I need so much time off to move, but they added me back in on the mom care list sooner than I planned I could be back.
They wouldn’t allow me or my kids to see mom for Christmas because they traveled in and they were concerned about Covid, but finally agreed for my kids to see her if they stayed outside, even though they and I had told them they were planning that initially.
I was not allowed to see her for Christmas though. There are many other issues I can’t go into here for lack of space, but to say the youngest sibling is allowed to bring her kids in to see grandma and none of them wear masks including her, as she works in a dr. Office. Her boyfriend and one son have already gotten Covid.
When I bring this up to the older siblings about a double standard, I am ignored, and told to move on from the topic.
I know they are not happy with me doing as much as them, dont understand, but judge my situation, or how full my plate is and don’t want to hear my saying no when I can’t do something. I’m doing the very best I can to balance my life in all areas without going crazy.
I had also told the eldest when mom first got sick she needed to put in place a plan b for when people got sick, burned out, or just couldn’t be there. She seemed to think we would all just be able to help taking care of mom regularly indefinitely. !? Denial
Without going into much more detail, I was put on calendar to sit again earlier than I had told them I would be back to help after move. They didn’t ask or even tell me. Just put me on calendar which I just happened to see, but willingly agreed to go. Thought I would figure it out when the time came. I had even shopped for food and party things to have with mom and me for the NY Eve night.
As things would go, I woke up that morning feeling sick. Now head cold, body aches and exhausted. I
called Sibling to tell her I couldn’t come out to sit mom. Of course she was mad and said she had ‘expected me to pull something!’ Wow!
I did Not plan this. I felt bad enough I couldn’t go. Had my son bring over all the party goodies later that day for mom to have for NY Eve.
Then I get a group email from baby sister insinuating that I am Lieing about being sick.
I can only do so much. My plate is very full and my siblings don’t care or understand.
Am I wrong to have boundaries?
I just want to disown them now