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I may need to transport my wife, who is somewhat incontinent. I don't see how I can enter a public bathroom with her to assist her. I tentatively thought I might fly her out with me to our new destination, once I have completed the physical move, placing her in a nursing home in the interim. But she will need to use the restroom on the plane, and I will have to assist her there. Do airlines make provision for this? If I drive cross-country with her, I will face the public bathroom issue, where my presence will not be tolerated in a lady's bathroom, and her presence will not be acceptable in a men's bathroom.

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Some places have a family restroom that is kept locked (!) and sometimes nobody remembers who has the key. Testdriving the route or calling ahead can help.

When we had to transport my ancient / fragile mother, we rented a Motorhome. We could give her a bed, support her body with pillows, seatbelt her in. And it had a built-in toilet with enough privacy so we could help her as needed.
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It's tough on a plane. Especially on a domestic flight where the restroom is very small. On wide bodies, there will at least be one restroom that is fairly large.

As for driving, where I live there are family restrooms pretty much everywhere. These are large single use restrooms for people who need help in the restroom.

Hey! There's a website for that.

findfamilyrestroom.com/
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Would a train trip be possible? Very enjoyable; there are wide aisles, plus a large restroom. Reasonable prices too. You can sit at a table if that is easier.  The station can be noisy outside so I’d even suggest headphones with music for your wife.  Best wishes to you
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It is a tough situation. I encountered it in small doses, when I had to transport my LO, who was incontinent for shorter trips. Later, when Memory Care staff transported her, they would take her into bathroom to change her when necessary. It's a HUGE challenge. I've seen huge mishaps that would be difficult to handle with only one person. Large messes that require lots of supplies and time to take care of.  Even if you go to places that have family restrooms, it's a lot to clean up wet and messy mishaps.  Plus, there's the clothes, seats, shoes, floors, that often get messed up as well. 

I would consider taking a third person to help assist. Perhaps a female who is trained. I'd also consider the big picture and not just the bathroom issue. Going on this trip could trigger behavior that you are not expecting. With dementia she may be frightened, confused, agitated and even act out in ways that are scary. Especially in closed in spaces with lots of strangers.

I realize that private travel by plane or travel trailer is expensive, but, if funds I allow, I'd explore it. Perhaps, someone around here, who's done it will chime in.
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I should call the airline you plan to use and ask them what special arrangements can be made. You won't be their first pair of passengers who need assistance. I doubt if they'll even think you're much of a challenge.

On the ground, you and your wife can use any facility for people with disabilities, which as far as I am aware are all unisex and have a lot more room for manoeuvre.
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My husband has Alzheimers, is in a wheel chair and is completely incontinent. We were taking a 2 1/2 flight plus 2-3 hours terminal time (check in, security etc).
I called United a couple of days early and made arrangements for assistance . They were wonderful! On and off without a hitch, aisle and middle seat of course.
For the pitential bathroom problems his Dr recommended immodium for bowels and a nighttime, extra absorbent, Depends. Both worked well and the trip was so easy on both of us.
Safe travels!
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When I was with my Husband and a "Family bathroom" was not available I would bring him into the Women's washroom and as we went in I would announce that I was bringing in a disabled man. I never had a problem. On the few occasions that he would get ahead of me and walk into the men's washroom I would announce myself and walk in. If I got a reply to my notice I would wait though.
There should be Handicap accessible bathrooms everywhere though so both of you getting into the bathroom should not be a problem.
And another point "DAVERO" I found that everyone I encountered was understanding, generous and kind. I had children that would ask their Moms "why is that man so sad" (my Husband made moaning noises) and I would explain to the child that he was not sad but his brain did not work just right any more. Most children have friends or classmates that have been diagnosed with autism so I compare it to that. When adults would ask about the noises I would explain he has Alzheimer's and the noise was a coping mechanism for him. I think at this point everyone has some family member that has some "disability" physical or mental that they understand to some degree.

Do not let the though of not being able to enter a Women's washroom deter you, I am sure you will not have a problem. I would try to find locations that are less crowded though. A restaurant off hours would be better than one right at lunch time. Also keep in mind that travel will be stressful. So many stops will be better. Try for at least every 2 hours. Briefs should be checked at least that often anyway.
Talk to her doctor about the trip and ask for medication that might be of help calming her if it is needed. (very important to check before giving her anything depending on her diagnosis!!)
Best of luck and safe travels.
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In an airplane restroom, there is not even room for one person to maneuver around - let alone two persons. I like the idea someone else suggested of the train. Not all highway service plazas have family restrooms. Service plazas are only required to have a wheelchair-accessible stall in each gender restroom, not a separate family restroom - so you cannot always count on one being available in a cross-country trip.
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You do not say in what way she is incontinent...bladder or bowels. If bladder, she could be catherterized with a leg bag. If it’s bowels, then that’s a different issue. It sounds like you are moving to a new home, is that what I’m reading? This is not a vacation right? If you could have a trained aid with you to assist and then fly them back that might help. Airplanes are so small I don’t see how you can assist an adult inside of one. But I’m sure the flight attendants have dealt with this before. If your wife is docile and not combative in behavior, then it might work. Select seats near the toilet facilities. You might check with your local Alzheimer chapter and see if there is someone there to talk this over with.
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We moved my father in law from the Caribbean to the Midwest while he was urinary incontinent and fairly advanced dementia. 2 flights, each 3 hours or less, allowed us to have him in Depends and not use airplane bathroom. All airports should have larger "family" bathrooms. His carry-on was packed with extra pants, socks, and Depends "just in case". Called airline ahead of time due to dementia, didn't want to be tackled by an Air Marshal if he acted up. Bought First Class seats, so there would be more room (less crowding, calmer, more attentive airline staff). Doctor prescribed mild anti-anxiety drug for dad for day of travel -- he was fine, I was the one who needed it! LOL!!
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