My Grandmother has dementia and struggles with associated aphasia. Not being able to respond verbally sometimes makes knowing what she is and isn't understanding unclear. She lives in a memory care facility with her 13 year old dog, who she loves dearly. The dogs health has been steadily declining and it is now time to have the dog euthanized. My grandma does know the dog isn't in good health and that she has been taken to the vet by my parents very often lately. It has been explained to her that the dog is nearing the end of her life, and she did seem to understand as she cried and has had anxiety about where her dog is when she's outside or in her room when my grandmother is somewhere else.
The vet and we believe it is time. We've scheduled the euthanasia but we are just agonizing over what to tell her and how to tell her. Again, not fully understanding her ability to comprehend the details is making this so much harder. Do we tell her the truth, that we are taking the dog because she is ill and when she doesn't return, that she died? Do we take the dog for a "normal" vet visit and then tell her she died while there? Do we take the dog out at night when she is sleeping and then tell her she passed away? Do we tell her 100% of the truth that we are there to take the dog to put her to sleep, while some of our family stays with her to grieve? Our gut is telling us not to lie to her, but we also fear that the truth will be too much for her understand and process. We just want to do what is best for my grandma, and we're really struggling with knowing what that is.
I know there is not one right answer, so I am just looking for some advice or personal stories of what you did in a similar situation and if you felt like it was the right thing or if you wish you could do it differently, and what that is. Any and all advice is appreciated!
Is it possible to bring her to the vet when the dog is euthanized?
She can hold the dog while the vet is giving her the shots.
I can tell you that this is not traumatic, or painful for the dog as I had to do this not long ago with my 17 year old doxie.
If that is not possible. Tell her once.
Next time she asks.. "The dog is at the vets" or "She is getting a bath at the groomer"
Please talk to the facility activity coordinator and find out if there are therapy dogs that visit. If so tell them that grandma is going to need some extra therapy dog visits.
If you or others that visit have a dog bring it in to visit.
Some people do find comfort in a stuffed animal. There are some that are animatronic, make noises, breathe are pretty lifelike.
Sorry. This isn't either easier or harder with dementia. It's always excruciating for those of us who look upon our beloved pets as family.
My friend did this with her husband. After a while, he stopped asking, but eventually he asked if the dog had passed. She said yes. Of course, tears were shed, but he soon forgot about it.