How to tell my sister I don't want to be her executrix anymore?

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My sis is in her 80's and I am the only person she trusts to be her executrix; she has 3 children but she doesn't feel any one of them would be good alternatives.
She lives an extremely dysfunctional life. No money, lots of bills, but has a lot of expensive jewelry and "things". Doesn't trust her husband either. What has changed my mind is that we live 3 hours apart and it would be difficult for me to fulfill all the obligations. She wants to update her trust and is supposed to be working on that (we saw an attorney 11 months ago) but she doesn't get around to doing the cataloging of who she wants to get specific things. There will most likely be a lot of family competition therefore a lot of stress. Her husband is controlling, manipulative, and revengeful if he doesn't get his way. There is so much more to this family's sad, sad dynamics-too many to include in this conversation. At this point, I don't feel I can do all that would be required and the stress for me would also be huge but I feel guilty in that I will be letting her down. Suggestions please.

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I can really see why you don't want this job. A couple of thoughts. Give her a deadline for the cataloging to be done. This will help all concerned. Insist on an alternate executor should you be deceased or unable to perform the task at the time of her death. She might say that if you were to die before her that she would simply change the will. The problem with that is that she might not be able to change it. She might have suffered a stroke or have dementia etc. This way you can easily side step should you outlive her. Refuse to accept the responsibility if she doesn't appoint an alternate. When the time comes you can decide what you want to do. Tell her if it (bequests) isn't in writing you can't guarantee anything.
Also, a sad but true note. "Stuff" has a way of being given away or walking off long before the person dies should they get dementia etc. This could be good or bad depending on where it goes. So a regular updating of the will would be in order. I know, not your problem if you decline. Just saying the problem might have pretty much resolved itself by her death if she starts downsizing now. Good luck.
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6% works for me! They can have it! I definitely don't want my husband, in the physical shape that he is in (bad back), flying 600 miles, clearing out her house, putting it up for sale, and spending weeks away from me and our lives, for a 1/2 sister, who has caused him and his parents nothing but trouble her entire life! We haven't even seen her for the entire 12 years that we've taken care of their Father! She may live a long time, or pass tomorrow, but I know he doesn't want to be involved, but she keeps on insisting that he is her Executor, and will inherit "all her money and worldly possessions! We're in the middle of downsizing our own "worldly possessions", so that we can simplify our own retirement! What would happen if she passed away while I'm here, caring for their Dad, who is aging and getting worse every day? Where do these people get off?
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I don't think u have to except being an executor even if its in a will. You can turn it over to a lawyer but h will take the 6%.
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The following goes along with the above and probably won't help. Sorry...

Legal Info
» Wills & Trusts
» How to Decline Being a Will Executor After a Death

How to Decline Being a Will Executor After a Death
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Step 1

Inform the heirs to the estate you do not want to be executor. The family must find another person to oversee the estate.
Step 2

Visit the probate court where the proceedings are taking place. Request a Renunciation of Executor form.
Step 3

Complete the form. The exact format varies by area, but the form generally requests the city or town the person died in, date of death, date of will and your name.
Step 4

Sign and date the form in front of a notary public.
Step 5

File the document in probate court. You are released from the obligation once the court approves the filing.
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I don't think you have to sign anything, I think you are appointed by the person and it should be in a will or trust. You can always step down and refuse it, then it would be come a problem for the state. Just guessing, but if nobody ever steps forward to handle a deceased person's estate....pretty sure eventually the state steps in.
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My husband's sister keeps TELLING him, that he is her Executor, should something happen, or she dies. They are very much estranged, and live 700 miles apart! I keep telling him to tell her that this is not a good arrangement, and that she needs to pick someone else! Unfortunately, she is the type of person who has moved around a lot, doesn't make friends, has no other living relatives except their other brother, whom she rarely gets along with, so she must hire a lawyer, I guess! I tell him that he DOES NOT want to be burdened with closing out someone else's lifetime of STUFF, no matter what she might leave behind! It's all talk, and my husband has Never signed anything accepting such a position, do you have to sign something accepting such an appointment?
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I think all the above options are good. I have asked my daughter to be our executrix, although my son is an attorney. She will handle things with little to no stress. My son would drive his sisters crazy--also he lives 800 miles away!

I have been asked to be an executrix, and then situations changed and I was told I no longer needed to handle an estate. I wasn't offended, I was relieved. It's a HUGE job and no matter how well you do your job......you will make people angry.

These things are notoriously fluid, so stepping out when you already feel overwhelmed is better than having to stress over what sounds like a real drama. She can appoint an attorney and leave you be.

My hubby was executor of his father's estate. He took no compensation at all. He gave in to his sibs on EVERYTHING. We still inherited some money, but all in all, it was a huge nightmare and I wish it hadn't been his problem.
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An executor is allowed 6% of the net proceeds. You talk about debts, all these will have to be satisfied with whatever assets she has. Jewelry will have be to be sold. Even if ur made an executor, you don't have to except it. She will be gone so let the family fight it out.
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happyjack: Tell her something unexpected has come up and you are no longer able to perform this task.
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