How to talk about moving into an assisted living?

Is he moving into assisted living? Or a nursing home? Two different things.

Regardless, it's a tough situation to be in. Did he get combative when you discussed this with him? And his combativeness was a result of having to move into a nursing home?

When it comes time to take him have someone else with you (maybe a son or a nephew, some male relative). Plan this out with the nursing home. Tell them about his combativeness. You might want to talk to the social worker about this before you take your dad.

Does your dad have a prescription for Xanax or Ativan? If so, administer a dose before you go to the nursing home. If not, call his Dr., explain the situation, and get a prescription even if it's just for a few pills (since your dad is going into a nursing home they will be responsible for all of his medication and the Dr. may not want to write a full scrip but he can write for a dose or two).

Make sure there is a wheelchair waiting for him (in case he's sedated). Go in with him, stay with him for as long as you think is necessary. Eventually you're going to have to leave. Cry your eyes out on the way to your car. That's what I did.

When my Mom with dementia was in a nursing home she often thought it was a hotel. I learned quick to go with the flow. Don't use the term nursing home. We referred to the nurses as her friends. Try telling him you are going to meet new friends. Distract and redirect when he is upset, do not try to reason with him. Be matter of fact when it is time for you to go. I would kiss my Mom and tell her I'd see her soon. Sometimes she would cry and try to follow me, it was hard. Hang in there!

You do not discuss rational, logical ideas with a person with dementia. You do not have to say anything. I am assuming you have MPOA & POA, so make all the arrangements for care and place him so he will be safe and gets professional help until he passes. That is all you need to do.

"Dad, you need more help than you are getting now so we've found a nice place where you will get that extra help......."?

When the time came for my MIL to go into an ALF she resisted at first. She was very content with the care I was giving her.....of course she had no idea what all that entailed, only that she was happy with things the way they were. My husband had to sit down with her and explain that she required more care and attention than I was able to give her. Even though home health came in three times a week she still needed more help. Her memory was failing, she refused to do many of the things home health wanted her to do, she was not taking any responsibility for herself, she fought me over every little thing, etc. we took her to visit the facility which she balked at but when the home health RN told her she really needed to be where she could get 24/7 care she relented. It took awhile but she adjusted and made friends. Maybe you should get his doctor to get home health involved. A third party telling them they need to be in a facility where they can get the care they need, " deserve and have earned", sometimes works as it appeals to their self worth. Good luck.

I told my loved one, after she balked at the idea that came from her doctor, that she was offered a chance for rehab. At this rehab facility they would provide her with physical therapy, medication, good nutrition and entertainment. All of this was true. To my surprise she agreed to go! Don't tell him in advance, but 5 minutes before you are to go out the door.

She soon loved it and cries to go back after she's out for an appointment. Occasionally, she will cry to come to my house, but that leaves quickly and in 5 minutes she has no memory that she did it.

I agree with getting the doctor to help you by making the recommendation. My Dad, who has been in a dementia facility now for almost 2 years, fought every idea I had....and I am a retired RN from whom he ALWAYS accepted medical suggestions! He got placed there in a different way because we had to call police to take him to be evaluated due to his aggression....but once ordered to be placed outside the home, and he asked and sometimes still asked....why am I in this place, just telling him the doctor wanted him to go here for awhile because they were experts at making his brain function better...... he would say OK.... 'You know, my memory is NOT what it used to be!'....is his standard line. Occasionally he thinks he's in a hotel and that he's been traveling on his job etc....and I just go along with where he's at. I don't say...NO...it's not a hotel. I say, "Well it's really a nice place and the food is good, and these people really seem to want to take care of whatever you need...." or something similar...so that 'where ever' he is....he will know that his family thinks it's a good place. Occasionally he says he wants to go home. An interesting exercise to be aware of when this comes up, is to get the person to talk about where their home is and what it looks like, because most of the time it is NOT the home they were last living in. My Dad doesn't even recognize pictures of the home he lived in with Mom since 1960! He no longer knows the address and often doesn't even tell us he is in Tucson AZ....but he's off working in some other state or town. Anyhow....we started with getting him to agree to a home care worker 'for a month'. By the time the month was up he forgot she hadn't been coming forever, and he liked her and was happy to see her. But he continued to get aggressive at times, and Mom had fallen and fractured her back, and was with a walker, so when he would get angry with her, we were afraid he would push her or injure her more...and that's why, one day, when he threw a bottle at her, we called the police.

Another thought from my previous statements. Be loving, kind and be sure you get him qualified help he needs, and then visit. He may not remember you, nor know when you visit, but YOU will know. My best to him and your family!