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Ear and eye problem

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I have a perforated ear drum and as rose122 says. NO WATER! I am, however allowed to use the spray pure olive oil. (Trade name 'EAROL')

Not a lot just a couple of sprays before I go to the specialist. It does soften the wax. They then remove it via a microscope and some specialist ear tools.
Remember it would be very easy to actually damage inside the ear. Please dont poke about, let the professionals do that. BUT a couple of sprays WILL soften it and you may get lucky.
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I'd stay away from trying to flush it out with water at home - if the wax doesn't come out and water gets trapped, then you get fungus very easily

An ENT will ether use a tool or a vacuum but not water which is generally what a primary care doctor will use
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I worked at an Eye and Ear Hospital. Always go to an ENT doctor. Putting water, olive oil etc is NOT recommended. Someone could have a perforated ear drum or an infection in the ear. Using water and other substances can make things worse! Leave it to the professionals to do what they are trained for.
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I grew up with this problem (deep, hardened ear wax). It got so bad that I couldn't hear my mom calling me to get up. (caused hearing loss.)
My first pediatrician used to dig it out with what looked like a small crochet hook. It hurt like the devil. Funny I can remember that 57 years ago. Then we switched doctors and the new one used a large syringe with warm water. Oh, what a relief! Big chunks would come running out.

They taught me how to do it at home with just a bulb syringe and warm water. You can buy a soft plastic bulb syringe at any pharmacy (under $5.).

Here's what they instructed;
Fill a bowl with pretty warm (not hot) water.
Push the bulb in (getting rid of the air inside).
Put bulb syringe under the water.
Let it suck up the water.
Put the open end in the ear canal.
Push the water (by making a fist on the bulb) forcefully into the canal while bending over the sink.

It may take a few times to warm and loosen the wax but it always worked for me.
Thankfully, I grew out of it.
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The VA gave up instructions for using an emesis bowl, with the head tipped sideways, to let the wax run after applying (and forgive me, I forget whether it was ) warm water, or perhaps something else. I'll see if I can find the VA's instructions.
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My son has OCD and constantly cleaned his ears, he impacted the wax so bad he had to have a professional remove it. The Pro had some syringe and and tray, squirting warm liquid and flushing and probing the wax.
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There are ear wax kits that work well. But I think even a primary could remove wax. Never put a cotton swab into the ear canal. This forces the wax further in the ear.
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I took mom to ear specialist every three months. He removed with a tiny scraper and tiny forceps. Her audiologist recommended having it done that way. ENT told her syringes and liquids didn't do effective job. On the same day I always dropped off her hearing aids to be cleaned and wax filtering coils replaced. About once a year they replaced some sort of microphone component.
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I've always been puzzled about your comments in regard to your mom resisting hot water in her ears FF, I've never seen any recommendation that allows for anything warmer than body temperature. We were usually advised to soften the wax with olive oil, peroxide or over the counter ear drops for a few days to a week before going in to have the wax removed.
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The olive oil softens it. So it can either disperse naturally or pop out (hopefully)
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Stevenslazo, my Mom always had problems with ear wax.... and a problem of refusing the somewhat hot water to be placed in her ear, it had to be lukewarm which did hardly anything to remove the wax.

One time an ear doctor used a long pliers type object to get the wax out.
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Before you go to the ear doctor, use pharmacy grade olive oil. A few drops on a warm teaspoon will help make it easier for them to remove the excess wax. (Make sure the teaspoon in barely warm - too hot will burn)

You can also buy a product called 'EAROL', which is a spray version and extremely easy to use. It is not scary, or harmful. I have to go to my specialist 3/4 times a year and this was recommended by them. 

Apart from making hearing worse, it can hurt. They also told me. Do not put anything in your ears that is smaller than your elbow. In other words, do not do them yourself.

Good luck
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We always took mom to a clinic where a nurse removed the wax.
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Best to let an ear Doctor remove it
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