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My mom has dementia at 87 (late stages) and she has type 2 diabetes. My step dad is 92 and his daughter who is 70 are her main caregivers. He refuses to have someone come in and help. However her glucose has been very high 218 - 310 in the past month. It only gets checked when she has a Dr appointment. I can’t get them to understand that it needs to be checked and she must be on a diabetic diet. They just don’t get it.

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Dear Ecoomer,
My husband has type 2 diabetes, Parkinson's, is bedbound, and has some cognitive issues. He's always hated fingersticks twice daily. But in order for me to monitor his blood sugar and give the appropriate amount of insulin, I HAVE TO KNOW what his reading is.
If it's too high he feels awful. If too low it's dangerous.
His doctor prescribed a Freestyle Libre 3 continous glucose monitor.
It has been wonderful. The sensor is easy to apply to the skin on the back of his arm. It stays on for 2 weeks before replacing it. Once on, he can't feel it on. There is a monitor that is ordered with it. At any time I can look at the monitor and know what his blood sugar is.
The monitor has low and high blood sugar alarms. It also has an alarm if the monitor is too far from the sensor to read it.
For my husband, who refuses finger sticks, this has been a great solution.

The Freestyly Libre 3 won't take away your Mom's Alzheimers, but you can at least adjust her insulin as needed for her comfort. With doctor's approval, of course. Having a Hospice nurse come in once weekly will help your family.
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Reply to JanPeck123
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I doubt I’d be focusing on diabetes with late stage dementia going on. I do understand the concerns of diabetes, I just don’t see trying to preserve life when the life has sadly lost so much
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Regarding home healthcare services, your mom might qualify for limited intervention from a nurse, but ongoing services need to be skilled, which checking blood sugars is not. A nurse can do some diabetic education with family, make sure they know how to use the glucometer, etc. Do you know the whole story about their resistance? I’m thinking that an 87 year-old woman with dementia may not be too happy about being poked all the time, in which case I would probably leave her alone too in the name of comfort care. The family might consider palliative care if it’s available. It’s not caregiving, it’s a healthcare provider coming to the house to minimize doctor appointments and address symptoms.
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Reply to MidwestOT
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You can report to APS that she is in danger and her care is not being managed properly or safely.
You can contact her doctor (if you are not on the HIPAA forms do not expect much of a response) the doctor can "order" home care but if your Step dad refuses to let anyone in an order for care is not going to do much.
You can also contact an Elder Care Attorney and seek Guardianship based on your Step father not taking care of your mom and placing her in danger.

Honestly I am sorta in Bulldog54321's corner here.
Your mom is going to die.
It may be more peaceful for her to fall asleep and not wake.
(sorry if this offends anyone)
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Reply to Grandma1954
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A diabetic coma might be a mercy.

Yes, I’d try to get her doctor to order home health if possible but dementia and Alzheimer’s patients crave sugar because of their dying brains (the brain prefers sugar for its fuel).

So I think you might need to start looking at this in a different way— if you take the sugar away then her brain function will lessen. And she might get agitated because her body is demanding sugar.

Also, maybe you need to consider that sugar might make her happier in her last days.

Unfortunately you might have to choose one or the other— sugar/brain/happier or no sugar and extend her dying process.

You know? Your mother is dying anyway. You might need to start letting go of some ideas.

All of this is said in a helpful tone with ideas to get you to think about where you want to go with this.

Its also ok to stop bringing her to doctor appointments and check ups if it becomes too much.

In other words, she is in the last stages of dementia. Who cares if she has diabetes.
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Reply to Bulldog54321
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Have her doctor write up an order for an in home nurse to come in daily and check her levels. The nurse can also explain to the daughter that Mom needs to watch her sugars and her carbs. Certain vegetables and fruits can elevate levels. At 87 I would not be too strict but they need to realize her cognitivity can be affected by high sugar levels. I started a new job some years ago and was told if the guy sitting next to me started talking incoherently, the EMTs need to be called. He was a diabetic.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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