I am wondering if anyone else has encountered this situation and can advise.
For the past 30 years my mother has experienced very high levels of anxiety about her health to the extent she only seems to feel calm and joyful when she is undergoing medical treatment and interacting with doctors. She has recently been undergoing low-dose radiation therapy for a lymphoma (a very treatable type) and was the happiest I have seen her for quite a long time. The treatment has now finished and the daily discussion with doctors has ended (she does have follow up appointments) and she is now extremely anxious and raging. She thinks the doctors and nurses are lying to her, etc.
Most people being treated for cancer are likely to be experiencing high levels of anxiety. The challenge is that she is unable to recognize she suffers from any anxiety, although she is taking an anti-anxiety medication. Several health professionals have tried to discuss this with her, and she was offered counselling as part of her treatment, but in her mind, she is not at all anxious and the issue is that people are lying to her, not responding to her needs immediately, etc.
This seems to be part of a larger pattern of not being able to admit to herself or others that she is not perfect. She has always been incapable of apologizing or saying thank you, is severely entitled, lacks empathy and rages about anyone making even the smallest mistake. From what I have read, this may be narcissistic personality disorder, but I am not a psychologist.
I would like to support her but don't know how. For example, if I say "This must be very hard. Anyone would feel anxious," she flies into a rage and says she is not anxious and that all her (very paranoid) fears are real. However, I do not feel I can 'keep the peace' and agree with her that doctors are lying, and everyone is out to get her. She becomes extremely angry if I do not agree with her.
Her doctors have tried to help. They have done evaluations, etc., but she is not suffering from dementia and under our country's laws, she cannot be forced into any form of treatment. It would also be pointless if she cannot see that life might improve for her because of talking to someone or addressing her fears (an extreme fear of death is one of these).
Any advice on a helpful approach would be much appreciated.
https://lifelessons.co/personal-development/covertpassiveaggressivenarcissist/
If your mother fits a lot of these 25 signs, you're fighting a losing battle. Debbie Mirza writes books and has podcasts with lots of helpful tips and coping mechanisms for you to learn from.
Hopefully you can step back from your mother after offering to help her find a caregiver to assist her with whatever she needs in life. You can't fix this level of broken, not at 94. Save yourself and disassociate with the woman as much as humanly possible. That's my suggestion. Mental illness like this that she refuses to recognize sounds quite hopeless.
If you are living together, move out. Your folks will have to arrange for carers to come in to the home daily to help out, or to move into managed care.
Best of luck