We have taken care of my mom for the last few years after my dad passed. Her delusions came on all of a sudden. That led us to getting parathyroids removed to lower calcium levels, her getting though a TIA, and eventually a pace maker. Her primary kept saying she'd get better after each event. However, she did not. Now they are saying she probably has vascular dementia. Either way, her short term memory has worsened. She has such grand "dreams" or hallucinations that we can't convince her otherwise. She has always been very intelligent, caring, funny, sassy, and independent. That's why it's been so hard to see her become so confused, not keeping up with things, and coming up with some grand scenarios she feels is real. She can get argumentative, non-trusting, not realizing all we're doing for her. My son lost 40 lbs due to her comments when he was a bit chunkier. My kids became stressed and withdrawn, not wanting to be around her...even though they love their gma. I became so occupied taking care of my mom, I felt I had no more to give to my family. She was staying with us in the evenings. I would drop her off at her house on my way to work, and then pick her back up to go home with us. She was so confused her own pretend world at her house. She made up a baby me. She'd think she saw a baby in the house, but then when she'd go check, she'd panic. Her neighbor would watch her go around the house looking for the baby throughout the day. We knew she could no longer be by herself at her house of 60 years any longer. In home care is too expensive. We chose MC, and it's at a great facility. My mom made it through quarantine! I get to see her today, outside, 6ft apart, and with a mask. There's been good days and bad days with her being there. She's laughing one minute, and then the next she's wanting me to pick her up. I deal with wanting to rescue her and pick her up every day! I feel guilt and grief every day. I know we've made the safe decision, but it's so hard to not see her everyday with this dumb COVID! She doesn't understand how bad she is mentally. I wonder with colder weather coming, if we won't be able to visit. How are we to handle the holidays? This could be her last holidays, and I would probably take her out for a month just to have her go back in for quarantine. I couldn't live with myself keeping her in there by herself during the holidays. I also wrestle with...my mom took care of me all those years, then I should take care of her. Since I'm a Christian, I should take up my cross and die to my self during this season. I saw this video with a snake trying to eat a rather large snail. The snail kept creeping back up while the snake kept trying to swallow...that's how I feel about the guilt. Anybody else going through this during the COVID? It would be different I could visit everyday.