How to stop phone in DO NOTHING siblings from from stirring the pot?
My mother lives with me and my hubby ( rent free, meals included, so she can save her money, shes on a long waiting list for an apartment ). Well apparently she likes to talk crap about me and her free living conditions to a sister who hasn't lifted a single finger to help her since my dad died. this sister likes to hear what I don't do for mom instead of EVERYTHING I actually do do for her. THIS particular sister likes to start crap and act like she knows whats best for our mother even though she hasn't lifted a darn finger to do a single darn thing for our mother. Fact is she LOVES mom being so far away so she dosent REALLLY have to lift a finger to help, just likes to tell everyone else what SHOULD be done. Other than just dropping mom off on her( sister ) doorstep
( so she can do it better ) any Ideas on how to keep do nothing siblings from interfering?? This daughter hasn't even seen this mother she cares so much about in MORE THAN A YEAR, yet she wants to interfere and tell people what should be done ?? I have already blocked this sister from MY life so she trys to get to me through other family members. If this sister thinks she can do so much better why dosent she step up to the plate ??? I'll tell you why because shes nothng but a WALKING EXCUSE. . Its wonderful to know after everything me and my hubby have done for my mom in the last year and a half that she talks crap about us behind our backs. How disgusting is THAT ?? I'm at my whit's end with this situation. I sure have learned the HARD TRUTH about my family in the last year and a half, and it isn't pretty !!!!!!! The only thing that keeps me going is knowing there is ( supposed to be ) a light at the end of the tunnel ( my mom having her own place where she can talk crap about me ALL she wants)
COPY-PASTE-SAVE CVSMich
Or better yet, "Mom, I'll help you pack. Where are you going? I'll call a cab."
Since you've said that you've cut off contact with this sister, I'd start drawing boundaries with those who carry tails from her. Stop them in their tracks.
"Lalalalala...I can't hearrrrr youuuu." And then go on to say something like, "Look, we do the best we can having mom here. It breaks my HEART to hear about all the things we're supposedly doing wrong. What's RIGHT here is that mom is loved and safe and cared for at absolutely no cost to her. If there's anyone else who thinks they can do better? The line forms at the front door."
"If those with negative opinions really cared? They'd be enrichimg mom's life by sending her thinking of you cards...a present on her birthday, Mother's Day, Christmas...come to visit her...and NOT just spend their "supposed caring for mom time" criticizing the only people in her life who are there for her 100% right now. In short, I DONT WANT TO HEAR THIS **** ANY MORE!!!"
Whatever the words, memorize them. You'll only need them once per person.
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/The-Caregiver-Dysfunctional-Families-149068.htm
Sending you waves of empathy across the ocean. I can feel fury boiling up in me just imagining how you feel. The ingratitude and the injustice of it are so hurtful.
As I type, I'm missing my aunt's funeral. Actually there are complex reasons for that, some good - I am genuinely waiting for a phone call about a job that I really need, the journey would cost money that I don't really have to spend - and some not good: primarily that my brother and SIL will be there and I can't stand to be in a confined area with them.
But you and I need not to let our feelings about a given sibling impact on us. Somehow. God knows how - if I knew then a) I'd pass it on and b) I wouldn't be sitting here reading, I'd be supporting my cousin and her brothers. So I have no advice because I haven't worked this problem out. I just know that somehow we need to get hold of it and shake it.
Have you tried writing down what you'd say to her in an imaginary conversation? That can help, at least to get your feelings organised. Hugs to you, this is an awful way to feel and I'm really sorry for it.
And how is it that you learn of your Mom and sister's transgressions? That would be helpful to know as well.
It sounds like you already did one good thing by blocking the phone calls. If she continues to speak to other family members, then I might just ask them to keep it to themselves and that I wasn't interested. Unless she has a valid concern that should be given consideration, I wouldn't listen to it. If he hasn't seen your mom in over a year, I can't imagine what criticism she might have.
If she's a viable option as a caregiver, you might ask her pointblank if mom could go and stay with her for awhile. Maybe that would cause her to back off.
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