My sister has been primary caregiver to her husband for several years. He is bedridden with kidney failure, diabetes, stroke and weighs at least 400 pounds. He yells at her constantly. She is 68 and in poor health herself. How can she free herself from this situation? He will not go back to a nursing home willing.
She could go to the bank, drawl her half of the money out, transfer her SS to a new acct and leave. Calling APS and saying there is a vulnerable man in the home. Then the State could take over his care. She may lose the house but she would be free. She does not tell APS where she is going. Get a PO box or one of those private boxes so there is no address to track her down. I would check with a lawyer to see if this can be done legally.
You know what I would do, holler back. And do the least I had to do. Go to another place in the house and get a white noise machine to drowned him out. Depending on their income, I may see if they fit Medicaid criteria for in home care. That would give sister some time to herself. What is he going to do if she walks away when he rants? She doesn't need to be there 24/7. Just make sure he is fed on time because of his diabetes and he gets his insulin. Make him comfortable with the phone, water and snacks within reach. A clean diaper if he uses them. If a catheter, just empty the bag and then say by I am going out for a couple of hours and leave. He needs her more than she needs him. With his health problems, he probably isn't long for this world anyway. If he lands in the hospital, then she can tell them she no longer can care for him and he needs to go to LTC. Then she becomes the Community spouse.
If his kidneys shut down, he will need dialysis. I doubt with his weight he can be transported to the hospital for treatment. When done in the home its peritoneal dialysis and from what I understand its a last ditch effort. The family is usually trained to do it. So, IMO, his only option maybe Hospice and without dialysis he will be gone and about 2 weeks.
This sounds cruel I know, but maybe she could just wait it out. She would end up better for it. Just take no stuff off him. Doubt if he is going to be able to get up and do anything to her, And if he does, another good way to get him out of the house. Call the cops saying he hit her. But she has to do this all for herself.
Basically this man needs care but has zero right that his wife provide it all. What if she got cancer or covid?
The thing is, even if you want to save your sister, she has to be the one to save herself. She will need to talk to his Doctors & Aging services to find out what her options are.
If she choose to leave & move out, he would need to hire caregivers. Could he mentally arrange this? Could he financially afford it?
He may not *want* to be in a NH but what other REAL choices does he have?
Best of luck to your sister disentangling herself from this man.