I have been caring for my father for the past 3 1/3 years. Thankfully he lives at his own home with caregivers 5 days a week. But as everyone knows there is so much more to it. Throw in the fact that he is very demanding. My biggest personal issue is that I completely resent caring for him, taking him to appointments, paying bills, managing the aides and the house. Cooking, shopping and listening to his constant complaints. The constant phone calls. All this from a father whose biggest priority in life was himself. I wonder how I ended up in this role.
So anyway, he had a very significant fall several weeks ago, suffered a brain bleed and now needs surgery to drain fluid from his brain. My siblings and I have arranged for him to go to a very lovely assisted living facility right from the hospital and he will live there. The problem is we keep telling him he can’t live alone but he doesn’t want to hear it. He won’t be happy once he realizes he’s not going home.
When I say he won’t be happy, his MO has always been to throw a tantrum until he gets his own way. The facility says they can handle that.
Frankly I’m so sick of everything and I don’t want him coming home because I don’t want to do this anymore. My life revolves around him, this is not how I envisioned my retirement.
Ok so let me get to the point. Should things escalate and he insists on going home, how do I just say, “fine, but you’re on your own." I can’t do this anymore. He’s not capable of managing his medication, fixing his meals, etc. SAYING I don’t want to this and actually doing it are two different things.
Thanks for anyone who was kind enough to get through this!
I had a similar experience with my aunt. She has dementia and she cannot live on her own. I live out of state. My family lives closer to aunt. They expected me to give up my work and life to take care of aunt.
My aunt has a beautiful home that she moved to when she retired. BEAUTIFUL landscapes. I would never be able to afford that if I give up on myself to be her caregiver. Why should I?
Everyone made me feel like I was responsible for her and I had to fix it. I got her home care help and she got rid of them. I just stopped. Stopped showing up to help. I used to call, she never answered or had anyone call me back. I just stopped.
Aunt is still living alone, but was forced to get home care.
There is nothing you can do. He has home care. You have to go on with your life.
When I retire, I want a nice retirement like my aunt had, but won't be able to if I stop my life to be her caregiver.