Hi there, I’m looking for some tips on dealing with a difficult sibling. Our mother has Alzheimer’s and I’ve been her primary caregiver for 3 years, following a hospitalization /rehab in 2019. I’m moms POA, preferred guardian, etc. My sister (“x”) lives out of state, we’ve been estranged for 15 years.
History:
I don’t really want to go into details, but I’ll say this- x is the poster person for toxic behavior.
Recently, she popped into town unannounced, making demands on everyone, knowing fully well that my minor child lost her father to cancer recently and we’re still grieving. We all had plans, including tickets to an event purchased months in advance.
We've long settled the issue of no in-home visits, x gets a hotel room when she comes out. This time, she wanted us to exclude mom from our plans so she could visit with Mom while my daughter and I were gone for the day. I can’t bear the thought of x being in our home while we (me and my daughter) aren’t there. I’m not comfortable putting Mom in the position of choosing sides, X manipulates her. It’s just too much chaos every time X comes to town, it’s been that way for decades, thus, the estrangement.
Considering some of the antics X has pulled, I probably have enough to get a PO. I’m just not sure if it’s possible, and the last thing I want is to try to get one and be denied.
Any tips on how to handle this mess?
Would she be the type who would take your mother away in order to try to convince mom to give sis her POA? To make sis her rep payee for her SS, to put her name on her bank accounts etc.? To ask for her jewelry…you get the idea.
Just know that if your mom is like many with dementia, she can show time and also know that her memories of you can fade and she can be easily manipulated even though she may not present at that stage today. She is vulnerable.
I would never leave sis alone in my home with or without mom. Try to get something from the attorney with teeth.
Is your sister harmful in any way to your mom? Does mom miss her and wishes to see her? Is mom safe being alone with her? Do you have cameras in your home?
I understand that your mom has dementia and of course that complicates matters more.
Wishing you and your family all the best.