I work for a 93 yr old woman who is healthy. She is always telling me and friends that she is ready to die. How do I reply?

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My 93-year old mom (who is relatively healthy) says this all of the time. She says "we're all living too long" and I can't say I totally disagree. She's the last of her five siblings alive and her husband died three years ago. Most of her friends are also gone. I have to do everything for my mom, so she feels very dependent on me. She's always been a very independent woman so she feels she's burdening me. And the truth is, she is. I would NEVER say that to her, but in reality I've had to give up most of my life for the last 12 years to take care of my mom and dad with no help from my brother. I always tell her I'm happy to do it.

Her mom died at 82 when my mom was 52. I'm 63 and still caregiving. I usually just say to her, "Well we don't have any choice in the matter" when she goes into her "I'm ready to go" and go on. I don't try to argue or deny her feelings, because they're her feelings and she's right. She is ready to go.
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Mom too and my Grandma also. When people feel they've run their race they feel tired and want to leave all this choas behind. I can't understand exactly how you feel Mom. Could you explain? I'd like to understand----would you like to talk about it? Mom and I get into conversation about family on the other side-what it's like--what it might look like. The experience of the process itself. People who are passing feel closed off because WE are too afraid to bring it up and get into it. We might be IMPROPER in our conversation. They know they're going and most of us are too cowerdly to let them get it all off their chest which is what many may want to do. What else could you say--no you're not passing. My husband passed of cancer at 60---it was hard after 35 years of marriage. He wanted hospice at home--He got it. He wanted to talk about death-he knew he was passing to the other side. We discussed as much or as little as he wanted to. Sometimes in depth. Sometimes mini discussions. The way I feel--is--I helped him pass over and I think in the way we both handled it----it was a good death. I know that sounds odd but anyone who's been there will understand.
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I think I inadvertantly shut off a few people dear to me who tried to start this conversation by saying the things like oh, no, you've got years ahead of you. look at how well you are, etc. They may really want to talk about their life and maybe fears and maybe what their life has meant to you. A 93 year old could have a couple of years or a decade or a little more, but their time is more limited than yours of mine and they know it. Hell, I get sad about being 56 instead of 36 sometimes. I often think about someone like Billy Graham wh is around this age, and has lost his sweetheart already, and how he goes on finding meaning and joy in life, and hope I will always have the grace to do the same.
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From my experience with the elderly and my elder mother...this is a common statement that they make when they become frustrated or angry. I am not suggesting that you ignore it but look to see patterns when she says this. I tell my mom when she says this... I want you here and you aren't going anywhere soon., she will chuckle when I say that. I can say this because my mom is not near passing on. Losing independence and having to depend on our children is a big blow for many elderly, so evaluate the situations when she says this...it could be frustration and anger..Hugs!!
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Ask her if she wants to die, or if she's afraid to die, and listen.

When she says she's ready to die, ask her about her life. Did she have fun? Did she create love and happiness? Did she have adventures? What would she still like to do? What was the worst thing to happen? Who was her favorite president? Who does she want to meet in heaven?

Don't be afraid to talk about it. She has seen hundreds die, and probably isn't very afraid. Just turn the conversation to some aspect of her life or history that you are curious about. She'll probably cheer up given the chance to entertain a willing audience.You sound like a kind person.
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Actually no need to reply, it's just a comment but this might work -- 'It looks like your work on earth isn't finished yet so we get to enjoy you for a while longer!'
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