I am a private caregiver to a husband and wife in a retirement community in the independent living cottages. Last summer my mentally healthy male client went in for hip surgury. During this process his wife was very ill. I had informed family members that their mother was in need of medical attention. She was experiencing dementia symptoms (memory, confusion, digestive issues and problems breathing.) Once dad was in a recovering facility two of the children appeared to have stepped in to help. Instead they filed false allegations with DHS against me. During this process both my clients stood up for me and said the allegations were not true. This was very upsetting to both my clients. On the day I was to pick up my client from his hip rehab facility, one of the children showed up in their home. It was at this time I realized that my female client had not had any medical care. His mother was clearly struggling, and it was my job to contact a family member if she had a need. He left that day without taking his mother to ER. I called another family member as I was taking care of the client with hip rehab. Finally two days later I took her to ER, where she spent the entire summer in hospitals and rehab with numerous life threatening problems. While their father was in hip rehap here is what the grown children did rather than get their mother medical attention.

1. Filed false allegations against me.

2. Went behind dad's back, got the mom (while sick and very confused) to hire an attorney got mom to sign over the family finances to one of the sons.

3. Successfully had one of their son's put his name on their bank account

4. Unsuccessfully tried to access their investment funds. (The only reason they failed is my male client talks regular with his investor. And his investment rep knew he was clearly of sound mind.)

5. Tried to prevent their father from seeing his regular family dr. for a serious health issues (two broken toes, a result of being dropped while in rehab). I finally took him to the ER against the family's wishes.

(Which please note I am NOT employed by their children. I am employed by this couple, 88 & 89)

6. The son informed my client's primary care doctor and the retirement community that he lives in that has severe dementia.

Since he is diabetic and had to undergo many rounds of doctor visits before hip surgery his doctor called him right away to inform him of the changes his son was trying to make. He then was contacted by his investment firm that his son was also trying to access his accounts.

His primary doctor had him come in for a mental health evaluation for the reason of having documentation of his excellent mental health. He passed with flying colors and provided my client with a letter that he was able to make his decisions.

DHS cleared me with flying colors and said they see this all the time.

I then learned that not one of the children had been involved in the lives of their parents care, ever. The one son trying to make all the changes had only seen his parents 2x in 15 years. This being the main reason an 89 year old man living with extreme pain, bone spores and bone on bone on his hips, rotting teeth, and seveare bedsores. (This all at the time of my employment over 20 months ago.)

The social worker told me to continue keeping good records, and know that this happens all the time.

Now fast forward. I let one of the daughters know that their mom was having memory issues. Early signs of dementia where incidents every few weeks were now becoming a daily occurance. At Christmas his daughter saw the syphtoms in her mother and called me concerned. Of the six children she had not been around much, but stepped up when other siblings did not. She was now witness and concerned about mother's condition. The same son from last summer is stepping in, going behind father's back, took his mom to an attorney & pulling financial documents & again trying to have me fired.

My boss asked me today what to do?

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Obviously this is not a happy family - do the elders have all their documents in place, will, POA's, etc. etc. ?  They have a lawyer, or at least close adviser they trust, so they need to get with them and discuss measures that need to be taken now to avoid big trouble in the future. That is the best way for them to protect themselves, but I would advise you not to discuss any specifics of their provisions with you, to avoid charges of undue influence.
Helpful Answer (1)

ElderCareNow I must start with a huge compliment to you. I can tell that you are ALL HEART with a GOOD SOUL! You've explained the situation in great detail. I can tell you are very conscientious and your job is not just "a job", you really care about this. couple. I know what it is to witness the money Vs. Care scenerio. On the other hand sometimes the family/children of elders are ill advised by others. Unfortuately this is the world we live in. I'm not saying this is what is happening here, but, it does happen. For example... the taxes on their home is not getting paid. So Dad calls one. Of the children.. Then they go for legal advice, but, noone knows all the necessary details. Therefore the info. Is translated to attorney as desperate and an attorney is advising as a legal/financial problem. An Attorney is not working to care about mom And Dad. The Attorney just advises a legal remedy. Is it possible? If you think you can talk to the daughter that seems to care the most. Explain to her your concerns and the health issues your employees have and see if she can communicate peacefully to plan for care needs.
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Contact Adult Protective Services and tell them everything you have written here.
Helpful Answer (4)
Isthisrealyreal Feb 2019
I agree, what the son is attempting is exploitation of a vulnerable senior.
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