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My mom was diagnosed with dementia. She is not ready for a nursing home yet, but I'm trying to plan for the future if that becomes necessary. She has a fairly good income because she waited until the last possible moment to file for social security (actually she never filed herself, but after her diagnosis, around age 70, I found that out and took her down to file--she was already memory challenged at the time)....but I digress.....

So, I checked around at different memory care facilities nearby, and every single one of them costs JUST a few hundred over what her income is. The only ones I see that are less do not have memory care.

She has a reverse mortgage so cannot sell her house to pay for this care, and she has no other assets to sell. She has no life insurance policy that I know of (and it's very doubtful she does). I could not afford to pay the extra few hundred per month.

So now I'm trying to decide on whether to plan for a facility in another state (we are in an expensive state) -- although I don't know if the average cost of care is any different, just assuming)....or if it's possible to apply for Medicaid to pay for the rest? I'm thinking they would say her monthly income of almost $3000 net would disqualify her? It's sad that you can't find decent care re for under $3000.

So., I guess that is my first question, does anyone know if it's possible to receive Medicaid to help pay the rest of the cost or would I have to somehow find a place, even if it means moving her out of the state (CA)? Thanks in Advance.

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Akaheba you wrote "she [Mom] has a reverse mortgage so cannot sell her house to pay for this care"... once your Mom moves from the house that stops the loan from going any further, thus the house will need to be sold to pay back the mortgage. Any equity that is left in the house [minus the mortgage] will go to your Mom.
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Thank you. Yes, that's the form, a DNR. So this morning I tried to talk to her about what she would want done. She kept saying different things....for example, I asked her if she would want to be kept alive by any means....she at first said, "yes, of course I would." Then a few minutes later we'd be talking about it and she'd blurt out, "I would never want to be keep alive." So I REALLY have NO IDEA what her REAL wishes are. Sigh...... I guess I am going to just have to fill out that form in the way I think she'd want....probably keeping with a middle of the road approach. I'm so stressed having to fill this out at all. Thank you guys for the advice.
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Yes, this is true. Don't wait. Get it done now. Mental decline with dementia can happen in steps or gradually. My cousin suffered marked decline suddenly and I'm very glad we had already discussed her desire for care years ago when she gave me Durable POA and Healthcare POA.

Also Akaheba, I would watch your mom since she's been diagnosed to make sure she's really managing okay. Some with dementia say they are doing fine, because they don't realize they aren't. They often aren't able to represent the true state of their dementia. Sometimes, something big happens that alerts you to the problem, such as a fall, financial problem due to forgetfulness or getting lost away from home. Also, often with dementia, the person loses the ability to use reason and she may then not appreciate how she might really need assisted living.

I wish you both all the best.
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I think you're talking about a DNR...do not resuscitate form. If she signs this, it should prevent medical personnel from pounding on her chest and breaking her ribs doing CPR to revive her. There are also Do Not Intubate forms you can sign. You need to have a conversation with her about this and find out what she wants.
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Thank you both for your replies--they were very helpful. I hope its a long time before she has to go to nursing care (if ever), but we just had a doctor's appointment this morning and she did worse on her Mini Mental exam. The doctor told me to talk to her about a "pink" form (gave me the name but I cannot remember at this time) to fill out--something to do with what she wants to happen or not happen if she weren't able to be resuscitated, which kind of surprised me....I didn't think dementia is what actually killed a person. I'm kind of expecting her to live quite a while...she is only 73. Anyway, thanks for the advice pamstegman and sunnytgirl1. it was much appreciated. Maybe someday after I get used to this dementia thing I can help someone else instead of me being the one to always ask. :)
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Her income level would not disqualify her, because they factor in the cost of the nursing home. Nursing Homes are required to help you find benefits, including VA widows' Aid & Attendance, Medicaid and others.
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I bet there are some members here who can help you with your questions. I don't know enough about Spend down to help you. Here is a site I found about Medicaid qualifications in the state of NY. I'm not sure where you are. But, this site can give you an idea of the process.
https://www.health.ny.gov/health_care/medicaid/excess_income.htm

In NC, the average cost of Memory Care is $4,110.00 per month, for private pay. I just relocated my cousin to a Secure Memory Care Unit and Medicaid approved it, since she started wandering. She was already disabled when she was approved for Medicaid.

The social worker who processed my cousin's application told me that since she was approved (Her income was a little over, but she was disabled by arthritis and had substantial medical bills. She said to pick out any facility that accepts Medicaid and they must accept as full payment, the total amount of the recipient's monthly income, MINUS $66.00, which they get to keep to cover their out-of-pocket expenses. Medicaid kicks in a certain amount each month and that is the total amount the facility can demand. Some facilities do not accept Medicaid patients.

I am in NC and suspect the costs here for assisted living must be less than up North, because there are quite a few residents that are brought here to live in assisted living from what I have seen.

It is a good idea to get all the information you can BEFORE you apply for your mom, in case there are asset protection options that are available to you. Good luck.
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