I am 52, my mom is 82. I have an an older sister 62 that now has health issues but has basically cut herself out, another mentally handicapped but functional older sister 59 that lives with my mother, and a leach younger overweight diabetic loser of a brother that lives off my mother because he can't work and he's sick all the time because "he's diabetic" and he does nothing to control it. Now, my older brother who was also living with my mom but has passed used to be her primary caregiver. Both brothers have been addicts and my younger still goes to the clinic for methedone. He gets his butt up for that.
Now me, 52, I live with my husband, work full time, am going to school to have a better career and make more money so I can one day semi retire but still work from home since I'm behind the 8 ball in that respect due to an earlier divorce. I was a stay at home mom during that time. What do I do? My youngest is 18, he's in college, my oldest 25, he graduated and is working. I use my precious days off to complete assignments for school that would normally be given a week to do but I cram them in best I can so I can hurry and be done College.
My mom calls to call and ask for help and I don't have time to wipe my own butt. And I feel guilty because I'm the most RESPONSIBLE of all the kids in the family.
We do have 1 angel of mercy, my deceased brothers' best friends wife who consider my mom their mom. But I feel guilty everytime my mom calls me, and I'm usually at work and I tell her I can't help I'm working. AND in this equation, I am the only one actally working. My older out of the picture sister works but she has her own issues.
My mom on a constant basis tells me about how quiet it is at the house because of my brother dying and my handicapped sister is sad. Honestly I've made peace with my brothers death. He abused his body with drugs and was on methedone when he passed. My mom is still blaming the physician and she is acting the same as when my dad died. It had to be someones fault.
Now my mom is concerned with paying for future funerals for my sister(fine with me) and my loser brother that leaches off her since he was a kid (not fine in my opinion) I refuse to go over there because I detest my brother and I don't even want to speak to him he makes me so angry. I've told my mom this, and she says that's not fair. But she's the enabler and allows him to be there, eating all her food and doing nothing around the house. The boxed christmas tree is still downstairs. And on top of this, HE brought bedbugs into the home bc of public transport to the clinic. Now I can't really in good conscience go in that house and risk my own. She's had it treated, but they returned because he brought it in again. Its since been treated.
She gets all depressed and calls me, but what can I do, she is letting this happen and if I say anything about my brother she gets mad and says we can't change that.
What do I do. I have to have a career, I put my life on hold for kids now I'm getting all this, and I don't care what anyone says, you can't free yourself from guilt. Especially from moms. Someone tell me something I can do.