How to move our Mom (91) from her home to assisted living?

You can contact the Adult Protective Services in your county. They'll make home visits, have her take a medical evavluation, and refer it to the Public Guardian's office if there is no relative able or willing to file for conservtorship/guardianship. If she is really far gone, a family member can file for an emergency temporary guardianship and then turn it over to the county. Problem is a lot of older people will not go for medical evaluations

That is part of our problem. Ever since the dr. Mentioned dementia symptoms, mom got mad and won't go back.

Regarding Assisted Living for parents and when that should or should not happen is a complex decision and should take in a number of factors:
1. Will your mother or father be safe living there alone?
2. Is their current home safe and in good living condition? (heaters, no rips in carpet, tears in flooring,etc...)
3. What is there financial situation like and will they be able to stay up with current costs of maintaining a home to keep it a safe environment?
4. Is the current home two stories and can they get up and down stairs safely?
5. What is the physical state of your parent? Will they be able to walk up and down the stairs safely if it is two floors, clean house, buy groceries, cook?
6. What is the mental health state of your parent? Do they remember to take their daily medications, do they remember all of their doctor's appointments?

No matter how much you love your parents and would like to see them to be able to live at home, safety should come before everything! After all, that is how your parents raised you when you were young; they were always concerned about your safety.

As far as having home care, this is a wonderful service, but please remember that this service is part time and the caregiver is only there for a couple of hours a few days a week. All your answers to the questions above should be factored in when making a decision for your parent to be cared for at home with part time nursing care. Also, keep in mind, that when the nurse comes in to see your parent, he/she will ask them certain questions; how have they been, have they had any problems, are they remembering to take their medicines? If your parent has short term memory loss, the nurse is probably not going to be able to get accurate answers.

Loving care for a parent, must consider safety, health and finances, both short and long term. In addition, you too want to live a healthy and full life so that you have more to give back to your aging parent. Best regards!

My Father passed away in June, 2004. Is his will automatically my Mother's will alone?

Oh my gosh, I dread the day if something happens to my Dad leaving my Mom by herself. She might say she wants to die at home and that probably would happen if she tumbles down one of the 2 stairways. I would need to get her 24 hour care but she won't allow strangers into the house. She wouldn't even accept an one time cleaning service as a holiday gift.

On the other side of the coin, is Mom passes on leaving Dad alone, if I mention him moving to a retirement center, he'd have his suitcase packed in 15 minutes. He is currently very bored at home since he can no longer drive, he would enjoy making new friends.