My partner of 4 years, who I lives with me and my 9 year old daughter for the past 2.5 years suddenly and abruptly left 2 weeks ago to care for his mom when she got out of the hospital with a uti. He has been going home every weekend to help his mom who is mid stage 6 Alzheimer's with life, but this time he didn't come back and has no plans to return.
She has since recovered from her infection and is doing well. I agree that she needs a team of aides to come and help her with ADLs, but he is adamant on doing it all himself. It is like he is using this to escape from real life. I am extremely worried about him and our relationship. She lives an hour away, but he hasn't been home or been to work (supposed to be in office three days a week).
How do I make sense of this madness? It seems like he has become completely emotionally enmeshed with his mom (only child, dad passed 5 years ago). It's him and his mom against the world and it is so abrupt. They haven't had the best relationship in the past as she can be domineering and manipulative.
Life was normal two weeks ago, and now I am wondering if it will ever regain a sense of normalcy, he has stated he wants to be with her until the end, but she is stable at the moment and could remain so for many more years! Did I just get broken up with for an 82 year old and I haven't figured it out yet?
I would ask him if he plans on caring for Mom 24/7. Does he plan on quitting his job? If so, not to expect any support from you. Caring for his Mom leaves no time for you. So that means he needs to pick up his belongings and move them to Moms.
I don't think so here. Seniors often always use inheritance of property as a sort of insurance policy so their family keeps them out of care. That happens all the time and what ends up happening is they go into care anyway and the property is lost.
When a man (or woman) is in love, they don't just leave their partner then ghost them like this guy did. He doesn't even call home to check on his partner and her kid. He wanted out but doesn't want to be the "bad guy" who dumped them. His old, Alzheimer's-ridden mother is his exit frem the relationship.
I'm calling him your ex-partner because no doubt that's what he is now. He wanted a reason to exit your relationship without looking like the 'bad guy' who bailed on his partner and her kid. Poor-Elderly-Just-Out-Of-The-Hospital-And-Has-Alzheimer's is a good one. He gets to end the relationship with you and not look like an a$$hole. When he has to go back to work, he'll put his mother in a nursing home or will try to get you to relocate where they are then he'll try to dump the caregiving on you. Or she dies and he comes crawling back with his tail between his legs looking for you to take him back. Don't fall for any of it.
You say you've got a nine year old daughter so you're not old. You're still young enough to find a man who won't walk out on you and who will make you and your kid a priority in his life. They're out there.
Now it's time for you to make a different life with you and your daughter. A good life. Wish that snake in the grass former parter good luck and move on.
You ask if he just sort of chose another woman? His mother.
That isn't for us to answer. It is for HIM to answer and for you to ask HIM, not a Forum of utter strangers. You asked him, and he has told you he will now be staying with his mom until the end of her life. He has been honest with you. I would say your just got broken up with.
I am so sorry. I would see a counselor about your individual adjustment now, but all of this has nothing, really, to do with elder care, I suspect. I wish you great good luck. This must be a terrible shock for you.
I'm very sorry you were gobsmacked like this. You and your daughter deserve so much more.
Wishing you the ability to move forward and put this man behind you.
You're worried about YOUR relationship? Okay, but how does your daughter feel?! She had no choice about the boyfriend moving in, and she's been dragged into this breakup because you brought this upon her. He's dumped her too. Kids shouldn't have to deal with adult issues like this. Don't let any man move in with you until you've signed the marriage license. Your daughter doesn't need to have men move in, then move out. She needs to see you as independent mom. That while she may fall in love and marry a nice guy one day, she needs to be able to stand on her own two feet. Model that for her!
Now, I'm not accusing him of anything; I don't know him. But you should be aware that children are ELEVEN TIMES more likely to be physically and/or sexually abused by a live-in, unmarried partner. Your kid has to come first in all this.
Yes, you did. She is obviously his #1 priority, not you. Please exit this relationship today. Set an standard and example for your daughter so she doesn't waste 4 years on someone like him.
Think back about your relationship with him...I'll bet this wasn't the only sign he wasn't the right person for you.