How to make everyone happy?

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My mother is in the mid stage of dementia. Long term memory is still fair to good, but short term memory is non-existent. She had a medical emergency and had to have surgery, a hernia that caused a bowel obstruction. The doctors have noticed her declined mental state and are doing everything they can to assist me. I have no POA etc so cannot make decisions for her care. They have recommended Physical Therapy upon release from the hospital to get her strength back up, and mostly to give it a "trial run" so to speak. My sister is furious that the Doctors will not talk to her, Mom never listed her as a person that they could talk to. She feels she should have equal say, she wants to call and pester everyone to confirm all I say is true, but she has yet to make the 3 hour drive to see how mom is doing. She blames me for the Doctors not talking to her and says I want to control everything. Has anyone else ever dealt with a family member like this? Any advice? I have gotten to the point I will not speak to her at all, I let her hear info second hand because I do not want to argue, but I know that is not right either. Any suggestions would be helpful. :)

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First off I have started guardianship proceedings, the hearing is next week. My sister of course is wanting co-guardianship, even though she has been here a whole 2 hours since Mom's surgery in August. We had another care conference yesterday,it was amusing, Sister took place via phone..imagine that....and she proceeded to tell the nursing home staff how to deal with alzheimer's, she knows because she cleans house for a lady with alzheimer's (the same lady she got to buy her a house). We mentioned her diet and she proceeded to tell them to remember that carbs are bad (Mom is a type 2 diabetic) and we talked about taking her off the extra vitamin C and just doing the multi-vitamin since her surgical wounds are healed. She questioned this too, because "Vitamin C supports the immune system you know, I would like to know how much C she is getting in the multi-vitamin before we take her off the extra." OMG And started questioning them about Mom's pajamas, she sent Mom pajamas, is she wearing them??? Mom always wears pajamas, how is the staff supposed to know what pair she sent? LOL
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Oh I will call in to it. Im curious as to her motive.
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Cothrangirl3.......Make sure you participate in that care conference and hold your ground. You need to keep NH staff in your court. I know that when you are tired and beat down that those conferences are very hard. When I am done with one of those, I am emotionally sucked dry. But, you can do it.
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So i just got a call from the nursing home that my sister wants to schedule a care conference, (she didn't bother to even call in to the one scheduled two weeks ago) and asked that they invite me (Helllooooo i'm the one that always attends them and i'm the one that has spent more that 2 hours with mom since the surgery) to attend. I know I need to phone into it at least, but I need to be sure I can hold my temper.
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I would go to family court, and ask for an emergency guardianship for your mother. It's not too late to set something up legally. Ask the social worker in the hospital, or rehab for advice. They were very helpful, to us, when my mother-in-law started going downhill mentally.

Also, look online for legal advice, you may be entitled to some free advice through a lot of agencies. There are A LOT of agencies out there, that will help you. Just Google "Legal Plans: Assisting a person with dementia in planning for their future". Make sure you include your state, as it varies from state-to-state, regarding laws.

Below is an excellent website:
https://www.alz.org/national/documents/brochure_legalplans.pdf
It's a very easy read without all the legal jargon. There are also PLENTY of Elder Care Attorneys, that will give you a free consultation. Again, look online for one (Google it).

Good luck and God Bless.
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My sister is just sure mom has hidden money (she doesnt). She is a vulture. Her interest in anyones well being lasts as long as their money does.
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I'm glad things are going well. It's too bad your sister was not being helpful. I don't understand her motivation. Is she contesting you becoming guardian?
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Poa is out of the question because of moms dementia so I am moving forward with the guardianship. My sister can get information from the doctors without me and does plus I set up a caring bridge website that I update daily for everyone. Since I am on Mom's bank accounts I will not have to worry about that. I have already started packing her things and will be putting her stuff in storage within a few weeks hopefully. Now it is just hoping she mends enough physically to get out of the nursing home and into an asisted living.
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I am going to answer this late into the discussion. If mom wants you to speak on her behalf and make important decisions for her, I would take her to the attorney and see what he thinks about a POA. This would save you a lot of time and money with the guardianship issue. I would also ask sis to let you know what questions she has and you will try and get her answers as far as medical. Personally, I would take anything of value out of moms apt. For distribution to the family when the time comes. I also think that the person closest )in distance) to mom should have both the medical and financial POA. This could be fine as one document with the attorney. Dealing with a**holes suck and even worse when it is family. Good luck
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UPDATE: I have a meeting with an attorney the end of the month to move forward with guardianship. Sister finally made it up to see Mom, but since I put the kabosh to her going into the apartment she stayed 2 hours instead of the 2 days she had said she was going to.
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