Hi, I am 36 years old and my 61 year old father recently moved in with my family and I. He had had a stroke a few years ago but was not affected tremendously by it. He has always been able to walk, talk, and work just fine. He is a strong man who works construction with his brother but has always worked for only a few months before he begins to say he feels sick and then stays home in bed for months. I think he may have a dependency on strong medication because he often asks doctor for strong pain meds and asks relatives to bring even stronger medications from Mexico. His wife left him in mid December and so he moved in with me. He has been on my couch since then. That's over a month! He hardly ever picks up after himself and goes weeks without leaving my home. He sleeps on my coach and there are days my husband and I don't see him stand on his feet. He lays on my couch all day. He recently left two marijuana cigarettes out in the open where my thirteen year old son could find them and I can't seem to get past that. I know he may be going through depression but has also always been a lazy person. Although my husband has been a good sport about this, he is very annoyed. How can I kindly ask him to do more than just lay on my couch all day?
It's time for a Come to Jesus meeting with dad, in my opinion. If he is depressed, then a visit with his doctor is in order for a prescription for anti-depressants. His doctor needs to know, however, that he's using heavy drugs from Mexico that are being brought to him w/o a prescription, by relatives. Such drug usage can be the cause of his depression, since opiates have that effect on a person. Ask him what his plans are for the future b/c it's not YOUR plan to have him living on your couch & taking drugs anymore. Period. I'm all for helping out a parent, but not a parent who's taking drugs, having a bad influence on a young teenager, refusing to pull his weight in the home or contributing to the household in any way, shape or form. Where I come from, that's known as mooching.
If he can't shape up, give him 30 days to find new lodging. Help him apply for Medicaid or find lodging elsewhere. If he's strapped for money, find him a motel room where he can pay a reasonable monthly rent and one that has a kitchenette in it. That's what we had to do for my brother in law who was a very bad houseguest and also living on SSDI entirely. He really liked the motel life; it was situated in a busy part of the city so he could walk to the grocery store to buy his cigarettes and food, then go back to his room & play video games all day & night w/o bothering anyone.
Wishing you the best of luck enforcing some boundaries with your father. Tough love is required here, it sounds like.
Seek first to understand and then to be understood.
Have a nice conversation with him and find out why he's not feeling well. See if there is anything you can do to help him. He may need to see his doctor and get a blood test or a scan. Seeing a doctor will be really helpful, Have his albumin levels checked when you get his blood work done to make sure his nutrition level is good.
Hopefully he opens up and lets you help him.
I think he could use your help.
Try that before getting harsh with him.
Why do you feel that it's your responsibility to take him in to your home? He sounds more than capable to be living on his own.
And if money is an issue for him, he can apply for Medicaid and get into some low-income housing for seniors.
You, your husband and your young impressionable son certainly don't need to be exposed to his laziness, and drug abuse. It's time to either set some long overdue house rules and boundaries if for some reason you still want him to live with you(I can't in my wildest dreams figure out why you would)or it's time to give him a 30 day notice to get out of your house, as having him there is not fair to any of you, especially your husband and son.
Your dad is a grown man, and he needs to start acting like one. And the fact that he's only 61 years old means he could live another 40 years. Are you willing to have him live with you and your husband for another 40 years? Think about that. Perhaps that will make you wake up and see that really, dad needs to leave your house ASAP.