How to keep your cool when a demented mother asks the same question over and over and over?

So what was the original plan?

To move in to provide supervision/assistance after a hospital stay? Until Mother was 'back on her feet'?

"I had to idea what I was in for when I took her home instead of placing her when she left the hospital".

That's OK. You tried it. Call that Plan A.

Now you DO have a very clear idea of how much care she (& the house/grounds) need.

So now you can make changes.
Move to Plan B.

Hi Roger, I know what you are going through and I’m sorry. What I do when My Mom gets into a repetitive cycle is to answer her a few times with short simple answers. If it continues I move on to distraction with a snack, music channel on tv, or a magazine or book to look at. When all else fails, I take her for a ride in the car. You’ll hopefully find what works with your Mom to break the cycle. I hope something I’ve mentioned helps.

24/7 isn't sustainable, as you probably concluded yourself. You need to find a way to step back before you start losing your health, including mental health. You doing the 24/7 care thing is NOT the only solution available for your mother's care, and while other avenues may seem more complicated to pursue, you have to. You may not think that these other options are 100% perfect/satisfactory compared to you always being there, but they're better than you killing yourself over this. And this is me talking to my past self, not just you.

If you are financial POA, sell moms big house to finance her life in Memory Care Assisted Living. If you are her medical POA, you can place her in Memory Care Assisted Living w/o her agreeing to it. Obviously she has ADVANCED dementia and needs placement now. Speak to a certified elder care attorney about all of this. Immediately. You need help, that's where you'll get it. The CELA will guide you accordingly.

Roger,
Watch Teepa Snow videos for a little bit of info on the mind with dementia.
This repetition is one of the most common effects of the disease as is disturbed sleep patterns, paranoia, etc.

The internet is your friend here. There are just tons of things about dementia.

A good diagnosis from neuro psyc evaluation will tell you what kind of dementia Mom may have and it's important to know that the dementia vary a whole LOT. Some have more angry outburst and moments that are either better or worse. Some have a whole lot of hallucination and are very real for the patients. They vary a whole lot.

If you could think of a very visible place for your mother to see perhaps write in large print her questions and then your answer. I would start as simply as possible. Write down 3 questions she asks about the most. Then give your answer. A large legal yellow pad would be best. Try to tape this pad if possible in an area she is often in. I know this won't change her condition but maybe she could look at this and have the information she is seeking.

I did this with my late MIL. In retrospect I realize I left the pad on a table in her small room at an AL facility that she forgot to frequently look at but if I had taped the pad to the wall next to the bathroom I think it might have helped.

Anyway just a thought. Hope you get some help with your situation.

With all your questions today, you're obviously way over your head with your mothers care.
Your mother has dementia, so of course she's going to ask the same question over and over, as her brain is broken and she can't help it.
It sounds like you need to better educate yourself about the horrible disease of dementia so you can be better prepared for what lies ahead as she will only get worse.
And it's probably past time that she needs to be placed in a memory care facility where she will receive the 24/7 care she requires and you can get back to just being her son and advocate, and actually get a good nights sleep.
If you're not careful you will be in the 40% of caregivers that will die before the one they're caring for with dementia from stress related issues.
I'm sure your mother would not want that to happen now would she?

Roger,

Do you have help with caregiving? You sound exhausted.

This is too big of a job for one person. Look into hiring additional help for your mom.

Is mom in your home or are you living in her home? Tell us about your situation.

Are you there with her 24/7? If so, you need to get a break and a good night's sleep.