How to keep the nursing home from taking all mom's money?

“The plan is to sell the house and things and split it up between the 4 siblings.”

Does the house belong to her? Then all that money belongs to her, if you sell. And it must be used for her. It doesn’t belong to the children.

That money is for her, not you and your siblings until she dies and whatever is left might be yours.

Your mom isn’t even cold in her grave and all of you are already discussing dividing up her money. This is sad that you feel this way.

Do you see a problem with that line of thinking?

Mom’s money is for her. If she needs it to cover living expenses she should have access to her money.

Your mom and dad didn’t expect their children to pay their way in life. They worked hard for their money. I’m sure they had a budget that they adhered to when you all were growing up.

Good for them for putting money aside to acquire insurance for additional income for themselves. Don’t expect your mother to dole out any money to you.

Nothing in life is free. Your parents spent lots of money caring for your family. Please show your appreciation by not expecting a hand out when your mom is living out her golden years.

Do you have free rent or a free mortgage? Free car notes, free food from the grocery, free meds from the pharmacy and so on. Didn’t think so. Your parents paid for all of their living expenses too.

Wait a minute - the nursing home doesn't "take" all mom's money.

The nursing home provides a roof over her head, meals, entertainment, possibly transportation, aides to help mom 24/7, laundry service, and housekeeping (which includes cleaning up messes like vomit and poop that come out of your mom). They provide socialization, calls to 911, perhaps transportation and accompaniment to doctors or other appointments. They feed, change, and brush your mom's teeth. They comb her hair and push her wheelchair, help her with a walker, toilet her and wipe her afterward. They bathe her. In short, they do everything your mom needs.

For this, they charge money. They have to pay people to do all of the above and more. They maintain the building, buy supplies, pay taxes, and everything else a business does.

Your mom's money and home are supposed to pay for her care. She NEEDS. She PAYS. They don't just TAKE.

You and your siblings do not become heirs until the person dies.
Until mom dies her assets are HERS.
The money and any assets she has can and should be used for her care.
The nursing home will not "take" Just as the grocery store "takes" your money. You tender money to pay for the goods you take home. The bank does not "take" your money it takes money as payment for the loan you took when you purchased your house. The money paid to the nursing home or any care facility is used to pay for food, heat, light, insurance, staff and all the rest that goes with the level of care needed.
So let mom pay for the best care that she can afford and keep her comfortable while she is alive. Once she is dead you and siblings can divide up what is left.
She and your father worked and saved for "their golden years" well this is it.
If she can afford good care in a nice place why put the burden of her care on the taxpayers?

Well this is considered gifting according to Medicaid. So when it comes time to apply for Medicaid, there will be a calculated share of cost that will be missing and she will be penalized for no payment for LTC for several months. Us taxpayers will not be paying for anything hidden. If you still consider divvying up the sale of the house, you might want to decide which sibling will care for her. The house contents usually do not have high value should you wish to keep anything. Best to determine how to invest her funds from the sale. You might want to see an elder attorney to educate your family on how to do this and who will handle the funds according to state laws. Usually an elder law attorney can also handle the real estate if it is a simple transaction.

Do you siblings understand that at this point, your mother gifting a home OR money to you will mean she is unable to get help when she needs care in a NH?

You need to think again. See an elder law attorney to find out how to protect your mother's asset FOR HER CARE. They are hers and are for her, not for you.

At your Moms age, she may need Medicaid within the next 5 years, the look back period. As said, splitting her money now is gifting. This will effect her income taxes and maybe yours. Definitely will effect her ability to receive Medicaid. There will be a penalty period. The insurance from Dad and the proceeds from her house is hers. It should be put aside for her to live on and for future care. Be aware that the 15k the IRS allows for gifting, Medicaid does not recognize.

Well … from what I’ve read here on the forum, what seems to work for some families is to have one sibling give up their job and move in to take care of the parent in return for room and board. If they can keep it up until the lookback period is over or until the parent passes away, they can avoid the Medicaid issues.

Unfortunately, it is quite likely that the caregiver child will suffer financial, health, and relationship harm, but it seems to work OK for the non-caregivers. If the non-caregiver doesn’t blow all their savings to cover everything that isn’t room and board, they can usually avoid homelessness.

Better to maybe set up caregiver contracts and have all the siblings collect according to their contributions to care instead? Some of the financial stuff and arrangements for deliveries can be done remotely if one lives too far away to do more than a few respite weeks here or there.

So, yeah, use Mom’s money to pay for Mom’s needs.