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My mom has had dementia for about 5 years now. The last couple months she doesn't want to wear undies. She has to. She has medicine she has to put on down there. She doesn't wipe great either anymore. She keeps taking her undies off then putting her pants back on. Her pants are gross on the inside. She also wears the same pants over and over. Also she lives at assisted living place where she is in independent living situation. She is at a stage where she can act totally normal and do almost everything still but can't remember to do things. Has to be told to.

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Discard her undies and only use disposable briefs. Outfit her with anti-strip jumpsuits for people with dementia. She can't get it off without help. They can be purchased on amazon. I agree that she needs the next level of care. Are you her PoA? Has she had a recent cognitive exam? She should also be checked for a UTI, just for good measure, since this can cause dementia-like symptoms and is treatable with antibiotics.
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Your mother needs memory care not assisted living.
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TouchMatters May 25, 2025
Thank you. Gena
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I wonder if the level of care she needs now is greater than IL or even AL. Her resistance to proper hygiene could pose a health risk to her and others. I’d confer with her doctor and care team. I would also explore if she could be dressed in adaptive wear that is designed for people with dementia that is one piece and buttons in the back, so the person wearing the garment is not able to remove it without assistance. She would need assistance going to the bathroom when wearing that type of clothing though. Good luck. It sounds like a concerning situation.
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In addition to the ideas shared, just remember that this behavior will pass and another begin as her dementia advances. After five years you have most likely seen that happen with other behaviors. As you say she may act normal and this can delay awareness that she is in greater decline than realized.
My DH aunt stopped wearing shoes when her toileting got to be too much trouble to her. I noticed she was only wearing socks but didn’t think too much about it.
After many accidents I suppose it was just too much trouble to deal with taking her shoes off to change and then putting them back on. She always wore sneakers. Plus her undies were disappearing. I finally realized she needed to be in pull-ups and needed help with toileting. Instead of not wiping great, she was using rolls and rolls of TP. Clogged toilets, plumbing bills etc.
Sadly, it’s part of dementia.
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No, a person with dementia for about five years will not be able to manage their hygiene needs. It sounds like you are expecting her to be able to do this - Why?
As you say: 'she has medicine she has to put on down there..."

She needs 24/7 care.
You do the best you can.
Or the aides in a facility do the best they can.

My friend 'itched' (anxiety, nerves) and shredded his disposable underwear.
* Try diverting her attention although as soon as she is alone, she will exhibit this behavior.

You cannot expect a person with dementia to be able to manage these needs. Of course she can't remember ...

You need to educate yourself on what dementia is.
Watch You Tubes (Teepa Snow), buy a book, listen to webinars.
It is perplexing to me to understanding how your mother has had dementia for around five years and you do not understand what it means - in terms of her brain functioning and behavior.

She will continue to do what people with dementia do.
And, as I mentioned, she may itch, have anxiety, and need medication management.

You need to consult with her MD and hire an ind medical social worker to work with you - on how to best serve your mother's needs.

Gena / Touch Matters
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Your mom needs round the clock care. She has Dementia and it's common for people to not be able to care for themselves. Please move your mom to a personal care facility that will help care for your mom. They will take care of he hygiene issues. Your mom will get a urinary tract infection taking care of herself. She needs help. Please don't be in denial about her care.
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JudyTeen30 May 27, 2025
Onlychild2024 makes a very good point about UTI's. Repeated UTI's and untreated ones can lead to liver problems. My 93 year old aunt now has chronic liver failure due to not recognising she had a problem when she was in our equivalent of assisted living. She is in a care home and although they check her regularly the damage has been done.

Your mom needs to be in memory care as failure to deal with toileting issues properly can lead to other problems.
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Sounds like mother needs full time care
her condition sounds beyond her ability to care for herself now
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Can you get adaptive clothing? See if you can get them second hand.
I just donated to a dementia day care center a lot of hardly used jumpsuits that prevent the care recipient from disrobing. They look like normal outfits from the front but they slip on and zip up the back so the wearer always needs assistance to go to the bathroom or change.
Try Buck and Buck, or Silverts.
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Looks like it’s memory care time!

Please read on with our team!
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I am confused. Is she in independent living or assisted living?
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