How to keep mom safe and "locked" in her room while up roaming a lot at night?

Locking somebody into their room is a safety concern - especially if there was a fire. Talk to her doctor about her behavior - it is a sleep disorder. The doctor may refer her to a sleep specialist or may be able to order medications to help her stay asleep through the night. Also try hard to keep her awake more during the day. If she gets too many or too long of naps during the day, she will not sleep through the night.

My mom does this. We added a child proof door knob cover inside the bedroom door to keep my mom from wondering around the house at night. They have a house alarm and she was always setting it off. My dad says she still gets up but at least she can’t get out of the room.

There may be a valid reason she does not (want to) use the bedside commode. You should discuss it with her. Safety in case of fire is a concern and should preclude locking the bedroom door. It could cause her stress, as well, to wake up and find herself locked in. Others have suggested locking the bathroom door, which seems more reasonable. It may be that she is just using the time to get ready to go back to bed.

For now. Since you are concerned about her falling in the bathroom with all the tiled hard surfaces . How about putting a lock on the bathroom door that you can lock from the outside at bedtime so she can’t go in .

AllAloneMe, you should discuss this with your mom. You've said there is no cognitive impairment. If that's the case, then she should make her own decisions and choices. You can make suggestions about adding a big digital clock to her room and request she use only her commode at night. You can request she stay in her room from 11 pm to 7 am, etc. But she doesn't have to comply. It's her home, she's of sound mind, and she can do as she wants... can't she?

If there IS cognitive decline, then therapeutic lies and behavior modification tools are the caregiver's best friend. But you say there is no cognitive decline.

Why is there a need to change something for your mom's safety? Doing any childproofing or any other modifications without your mom's input and consent when she's well able to give it is not something I'd recommend.

Maybe if you give an example of a specific concern or fear you have about your mom getting up at night, you'll get additional input that will be helpful for your situation. Wishing you all the best!

When my mother was in the wandering stage, I put a baby gate across the doorway. I put the latch to the hallway so she couldn't figure out how to open it. You could possibly stack two of them together if you need something taller than a regular baby gate. Just be sure that they're tight or secure enough to not fall. I think you can get some that will screw into the doorway which would be more secure than ones that use tension.

As far as the bathroom, I would lock the door. You can reverse the doorknob if there is a lock on them - or buy a new set and install them with the lock on the bedroom side. That should take about 10-15 minutes to install.

Could you put a lock just on the bathroom door? Would that help with some of the problem?

If going to the hard surfaced bathroom is the biggest concern I would say just lock the bathroom door. This is a tough one. Is dementia the biggest issue or is it more of a safety issue?

I know your pain! My Dad will be 96 next month and he loves to get up in the middle of the night and go out into the garage to tinker. He used to turn all of the back yard flood lights on and work outside in the back with his drills and other noisey tools (this was up until last year) and wake up our neighbors! No more power tools allowed and we've placed a Prime-Line Door Knob Lock-Out Device on all of the inside door knobs so he can't go outside in the middle of the night any longer - he was mad as hell at me at first but I had his doctor speak to him about it and he's calmed down. He still gets up and uses the restroom on his own but we've also installed padding and large area rugs in his bedroom and removed any obstacles he can fall and hit himself on (he's fallen several times in there) so this was a must. But the security lock-out devices for the doorknobs work by placing them over the doorknobs and locking them with a key so they can't be removed and when you try to turn the know it just turns freely around & around without engaging the actual doorknob. Maybe try that on the bathroom doorknob. They have them at home depot and amazon. made of durable hard steel so there's no way they can remove them. Might we worth a try to keep mom out of the toilet at night. My Best wishes to you & Mom! Take care.

Would it ease your mind if she wore some kind of attached alarm, a button on a wristband, or something you can pin to her pajamas? That way, if she needs you while she's walking around at night, she has the ability to alert you.

You say she's never fallen. What is unsafe about your mom getting up and doing bathroom visits and furniture cruising?

If she tries to get out of the house, then a contact alarm device on the exterior doors would help. A decade ago, I bought two of them for around $12 (they were extremely easy to install) because my grandmother very occasionally left the house. They worked great. Whenever the front or back doors were opened, there was a distinct audible alarm.

However, she would regularly get up at night and walk around the house, and I never saw an issue with that behavior. I think it was self-soothing for her and something to do when she woke up in the middle of the night. It was never a concern for me or her hired caregivers, other than that she might try to go outside.

I know how easy it is to go down the rabbit hole of what-ifs, but I think caregivers have to work with what-is, or they make themselves crazy. No one can protect against everything they can imagine their Loved One getting up to while unsupervised... however... if there is zero history of something, then please don't worry that a new behavior will suddenly crop up. It might. And you'll deal with it then.

I'm trying to be reassuring and comforting; how am I doing? :)

Others have mentioned childproof knobs. I get that locking someone in a room is a fire risk, but childproofing a home isn't considered a fire risk and is commonly done. Question for the forum: Childproof locks on windows and doors are safety recommendations for parents; what is the difference for elders with/without dementia?

*AllAloneMe, I'm very interested in what communication adjustments have helped with your mom. Can you describe what you're doing to help her? I'm in an MS for behavior analysis and want to practice with gerontology clients. I'd be very grateful to learn more about what you're doing to help your mom communicate better post-stroke.

**You could put a contact alarm on the bathroom door. After a little bit of experience with the new alarm, that might be enough to get her to avoid going in there when she's up, and she will use her commode if she has to go.

My mother was trying to escape out of the front door in the middle of the night. Her doctor ordered Seroquel and Ativan and she stopped trying to escape.

I never considered placing a lock on her door.

UTIs do cause odd behavior but I certainly wouldn’t rule out dementia in your situation.

Please take your mom to the neurologist and discuss your concerns.

AllAloneMe: Speak to mom's physician about these behaviors.

If mom can't talk, she probably has limited ability to understand speech too. Have you tried any speech/language therapy recently? Just because Mom didn't recover at the time of her stroke doesn't mean she can't improve now. There are new techniques and her brain may have recovered enough to be able to regain some communication. Did you know that sign language is mainly right brain, and speech is left brain? You can try doing a simple sign language class together either online or get a DVD. There are also communication books with symbols that she can point to. Get a referral to someone who is experienced with stroke patients.

You can't put a childproof knob on her bedroom door that will keep her from getting out of the room; that would be the same as locking her in. You could put a childproof lock on the outside of the bathroom door so she couldn't get in.

Child proof door knobs on Amazon. These may keep her in her room, if you put them in the inside. It doesn't affect you accessing the room from the outside.

You cannot lock her in her bedroom. Its a fire thing. Maybe lock the bathroom door. If a knob type you can get child covers.

One quick comment...
the use of Melatonin or other OTC sleep aids can increase the risk of falls so I would avoid them.

She's become a "lover" of the night? To be honest, there is a certain peace at night, sometimes.

If mom has no dementia whatsoever, then why can't you simply tell her to use the commode instead of the toilet and have her comply?? I have honestly never heard of an elder without dementia "roaming" around at night and needing to be locked in her room! Or an elder with aphasia who did not also suffer from one of the dementias. Like Bruce Willis who was originally diagnosed with aphasia which turned out to really be FTD....Frontotemporal Dementia. Other times aphasia is the first sign of Alzheimer's disease. In all cases, aphasia is caused by brain damage.

Speak to moms doctor about this and see what s/he has to say. And have Plan B in place as things progress.

Best of luck to you.

DH and I are really attached to our bedside clock that has an option to shine the time display onto the ceiling. It’s really helpful in the night, to know the time without having to move (wake each other up) or twist (make my back ache). It cost $35, and we liked it enough to buy a second one for a different house.

It’s also quite soothing to watch the display change, minute by minute. And to work out how the 7-segment display works. Three options are reversible, down-side up and side to side (0, 1 and 8). Two are reversible down-side up (2 and 5). Two make different numbers down-side up (6 and 9). Three are hopeless (3, 4 and 7). Such fun!

It might help your M, to know the time and have something to occupy her mind while she stays in bed.

Truthfully you can't.
You can not "lock" her in the room, you know that.
You say she does not have dementia.
You can explain that if she gets up and wanders and falls she will end up in the hospital, then probably to rehab and at that point she may need more care than you can SAFELY manage at home.
If she understands this and she still gets up and wanders there is not much you can do. This is her choice to make.
She would do the same thing if she were living alone, in Assisted Living or if she had dementia and was in Memory Care.
What you do is wait. And hopefully nothing happens but you do need to have plans in place for the "just in case"

When you say "memory care", does that mean moving her to a facility for them to take care of her?

She does not have dementia at all, other than she is confused to what time it is in the evening. But that comes and goes.

She does have aphasia, but understands all that I say. She laughs immediately at jokes (and even makes some herself with facial expressions) responds and remembers to do things I ask her to do on an ongoing basis i.e.: like how she should brush her teeth - I gave her new instructions on how to do it better, and now she follows it to a T.

And she only is confused when she has a UTI. When that happens, she doesn't remember how to do things etc, but once that is resolved, she is back 100%.

She knows who I am in the night and does what I tell her to do.

I think she is just not as sleepy at night anymore?

I am trying to let her only take a small nap in the morning (half hourish) and again in the afternoon.

I've begun using a S.A.D. lamp for her in the morning. Having her look at it for a half hour. At first she hated it, and pushed it away. Then I told her it was medicine and would help her be able to sleep more at night and think more clearly. She immediately wanted to do it and did it the entire time.

It is time for memory care but in the meantime you can put combo locks on the doors you don’t want her going in at night.

But then what if she goes into the kitchen and catches herself on fire?

Check out door knob-child proof items

It is time now for memory care.