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My husband has been caregiver for his 92-year old mother who has dementia for over 9 years. She no longer gets out of bed to go to the bathroom on her own, so I purchased the sturdy bed pads and adult diapers that nursing homes use. These contain the constant mess quite well, but my MIL has taken to digging in her diaper and smearing poop under the mats, sometimes even under her sheets or the mattress pad. This morning she had put a pile of poop under her pillow and was sleeping on it. She smears herself and whatever she can touch with poop. When put on the toilet, she poops in her hand and flings it at us. My husband is an only child and refuses to consider a nursing home for his mother or hospice or more assistance than the caregiver who comes in for a couple of hours mornings to shower and dress his mother. The situation has become unbearable. Has anyone else dealt with this? Suggestions?

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Gem, you are too funny. I read this to my family and burst out laughing. I know it is not a funny matter, but the way you put , it is extremely funny. Jumpsuit full of, ditch husband and hit the road. I do feel bad for the DIL, though.
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Reply to earlybird
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Ditch the husband. What in the world could be worse than him letting his Mom throw poop at you? I would rather live on the street than under these conditions. If he is not getting you help or cleaning her up himself, you should move out. It's her or you, and he has clearly chosen her. She would get better care in a memory care facility. Again, I would rather live on the street or in my own small apartment than under these conditions. This is not acceptable, and it's not your mother-in-law's fault; it's your husband's fault. He needs to provide better care for her, or place her somewhere. You can put a jumpsuit over it, but you've still got a jumpsuit full of sh*t to clean up at the end of the day. NO THANKS. Either she gets full time care in the house, she goes in a memory care facility, or you hit the road.
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Reply to gemswinner12
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LOL, LOL, LOL. I thought we had problems!! Sorry, but this is so darn funny! I have been in this situation once before with my mother in the middle of the night. Really not fun. It was everywhere, but she didn't throw it at me and I did not think it was funny. I never leave her alone on the commode since. I am sure you are all pooped out as I was. Jump suit is a good idea per other posters. I am glad husband is cleaning the mess as he should. Please don't take offense about the LOL people, it was a reflex when I first read it.
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Reply to earlybird
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CWillie has given you the links to purchase the Alzheimer's jumpsuits which are anti-strip, preventing her from playing with her own feces. You can also get them on Amazon.com at

https://www.amazon.com/Talit-Inc-Womens-Alzheimers-Clothing/dp/B07NRSY32X/ref=sr_1_1?crid=32VYJDN1PRJAP&dchild=1&keywords=alzheimers+clothing+-+alzheimer+anti-strip+jumpsuit&qid=1589310456&sprefix=alzheimers+anti+strip+%2Caps%2C217&sr=8-1

As far as the toilet goes, either she's accompanied to and from each toilet visit, or, she wears the Depends exclusively. Watch some Teepa Snow videos on YouTube to see how to best handle this situation. Dementia sufferers are very difficult to handle. Perhaps your husband should become the 24/7 caregiver to HIS mother now that she's doing all of these things and he's refusing to place her in Memory Care.

At the very least, sit down WITH Dh and watch as many Teepa Snow videos as you can........she's funny, smart and very, very informative about the challenges caregivers face with dementia.

Good luck!
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Reply to lealonnie1
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His Mom, he can care for her. Let him deal with the clean up. After a few times maybe he will consider a NH.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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worriedinCali May 12, 2020
Per the OP, her husband IS the caregiver. He IS the one doing the cleanup job. And he still won’t consider a nursing home.
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https://www.buckandbuck.com/womens-adaptive/womens-jumpsuits.html

https://www.silverts.com/show.php/list/-/jumpsuits/alzheimers

As for using the toilet, someone needs to stay with her and prevent her from doing that - giving her something to keep her hands busy may help.
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Reply to cwillie
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shad250 May 12, 2020
Her hands are busy, with poop
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