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My Father n law, 77, has Parkinson's. A few months ago we almost lost him to extreme high blood pressure. He hasn’t been able to recover enough to return home and he’s been showing signs of dementia. We’re not sure if he will ever get to a point that he could go home. My mother in law spends almost all day at the care facility with him, rarely taking a break for herself. Do you think it would be wise for them both to move to an assisted living facility where they can be together?


She lives in a 2 story house now with lots of steps. Would it be better for her to move to a single story home if not assisted living in case he is able to come home?

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If MIL wants to move I am sure she will say so so let that be.
I assume she is managing to take care of the house and yard herself and actually wants to spend every minute with her husband.. By all means offer her a break maybe just to get her hair done but she will probably refuse.
If necessary and funds permit a downstairs room could become FIL's bedroom and outside help be hired funds permitting.
This is not actually something you have to be involved in. She has at least one son and daughter and this is their area. Don't put yourself in a position where you end up caring for two elderly people.
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It is early days yet, just be there for her, take her to get a meal or something so she can get some fresh air. Clean her house, do laundry or whatever you can to help her at this very scary time. She will appreciate anything you do to show support and love. Maybe sit with FIL so she can get out. I didn't want to leave my husband when he was in the hospital unless there was a friend with him.

He may never come home and he may not qualify for AL. Plenty of time to cross those bridges when they come.
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Has she said she wants to move? I ask because 10 days ago my step dad's daughter, decided my mother had to sell her house, get rid of her dog, so that if stepdad comes home from the hospital, there would be a one level house to live in. Mum was horrified at the idea, of having to face moving, while getting a diagnosis of metastasized cancer.

So my thoughts on your in laws situation have no bearing at all, the only person who can make this decision is your mother in law, and quite likely she is in no shape to move right now. She needs some normal.

Now if she comes to you and says I think the house is too much, can you help me investigate other options that is different.

By the way, my Mum is 84, the house has two levels (upstairs bedrooms), she loves working in her yard and walking the dog twice a day. She certainly does not need assisted living.
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