My Father n law, 77, has Parkinson's. A few months ago we almost lost him to extreme high blood pressure. He hasn’t been able to recover enough to return home and he’s been showing signs of dementia. We’re not sure if he will ever get to a point that he could go home. My mother in law spends almost all day at the care facility with him, rarely taking a break for herself. Do you think it would be wise for them both to move to an assisted living facility where they can be together?
She lives in a 2 story house now with lots of steps. Would it be better for her to move to a single story home if not assisted living in case he is able to come home?
I assume she is managing to take care of the house and yard herself and actually wants to spend every minute with her husband.. By all means offer her a break maybe just to get her hair done but she will probably refuse.
If necessary and funds permit a downstairs room could become FIL's bedroom and outside help be hired funds permitting.
This is not actually something you have to be involved in. She has at least one son and daughter and this is their area. Don't put yourself in a position where you end up caring for two elderly people.
He may never come home and he may not qualify for AL. Plenty of time to cross those bridges when they come.
So my thoughts on your in laws situation have no bearing at all, the only person who can make this decision is your mother in law, and quite likely she is in no shape to move right now. She needs some normal.
Now if she comes to you and says I think the house is too much, can you help me investigate other options that is different.
By the way, my Mum is 84, the house has two levels (upstairs bedrooms), she loves working in her yard and walking the dog twice a day. She certainly does not need assisted living.