I placed my mom in a VA contracted nursing home for respite. I then left state lines for business. She had a "situation" and ended up in hospital. The facility refused to take my mom back. So the hospital found another facility. My mom didn't want to go but they forced her out. The next three days she terrorized the new residents and staff. The Social Worker called me DISTRESSED. Apparently my mom was threatening to sue, call her lawyer.. telling them they were imprisoning her..etc. And she said that the nursing home could get in more trouble for holding her against her will then letting her go..even though she is not safe home alone. That afternoon my mom called and said the staff called the police to come put in her in a psychiatric hospital. So she discharged herself AMA. When she called me she was on the street with no money. It took 4 hrs but I finally found someone to pick her up. Now I found out she is at home with no medications.
Is that even legal? Isn't the nursing home required to give her at least a weeks supply?
I really don't know what to-do. She is a Veteran. Everything takes time in the VA. And it's a weekend. How do I get her meds and when I do..I have no way of splitting, distributing etc. My mother isn't capable of handling that task. She shouldn't even be at home alone.
Does anyone have any ideas?? Advice?
Thanks.
Ps
I didn't fill in all the details..because just writing and revisiting all my mother's drama completely exhausts amd drains me.
Quite a few people have suggested APS. I just don't have the heart to make my mother a ward of the state.
But here I am..fending off another crisis.I drove half way across the state because she couldn't keep up with her heat bills and they took the tanks. I would have fixed it but they wanted over $1,052.00 to reinstall and deliver heat. I reached out to a few agencies and filled out applications for financial help. The new company will be delivering heat in 4 days, yeah!! But she has been in a house with no heat in the winter as an amputee due to circulatory disease for three weeks. These things should not be happening at all!
The VA suggested I make myself fiduciary. Right now Im online looking for a financial planner to help her. Im exhausted(like always).
She qualified for Adult Day Care and I found out she refused it!! Sabatuer!!I really need to be clear about what my needs and wants are and what options my mom has. I realize Im being held hostage to her disease and its making me really burned out financially, physically..etc. I feel like I need help empowering myself all this time..ive been seeking help from the VA..the State..her Drs..everybody is saying she has the right to make her own decisions but she cant dress, bathe, toilet ..etc. She mismanages finances..and its obvious to EVERYONE except her Drs apparently that she is not safe at home alone. I feel like I am living her life for her and completely neglecting mine. She orders me around is rude and nasty..im always tired-drained. Anyway that's my rant...
trying to take care of myself but beaten down by my circumstances..
He would never last in a nursing home. He is a natural leader and good to those whom he loves. His spirit is such that if you tried to tie him down by placing him, he would discharge himself, and if he couldn’t, he would be like a caged bird.
I don’t have any advice but to hang in there and do the best you can. She might realize that she is hurting her own well being by being so ornery and difficult or maybe she will tire out eventually. I was surprised when it got easier. Best wishes.
I know how helpless it feels to have an emergency on a weekend. Bad enough when you are there.
The caretaker could take your mom’s BP. If it’s in a catastrophic range, 911.
How long until you return?
My husband’s (chain) pharmacy has loaned him meds when he has forgotten them on business trips.
Perhaps you could call your mom’s pharmacy for help. Perhaps the caretaker could take your mom to pick up the one day supply. She might even be able to pick up her meds from the VA home? Maybe she could ask for one days supply to be separated out?
Let us know how you solve the problem and try not to worry. Life evolves. It’s not under our control. You do your best and that’s all you can do.
I myself would call the EMS from wherever I was and say that the VA just let your demented mother go home in an unsafe discharge, that you are in another city and cannot get back to her. That there is no one else and that you need her taken to the VA hospital. Then I would call the VA and say they just did an unsafe discharge of a demented woman and she is on her way back. That you cannot get there and she needs admission or placement in a SAFE and SECURED facility until you are able to get there. This is pretty shocking.
She must NOT be at home. She needs professional caregivers who are adept at cajoling and figuring out how to get her to accept neds.
When its us "kids" doing this job, all sorts of control and power issues come into play.
Get her admitted to a psych facility via 911.
Please remind yourself that if you were a son, no one would be asking you to cut short a business trip.
Unless you are your mother's guardian, this is not your problem.
I know that sounds hard-hearted. Does your mom have dementia? She needs to figure out that she is no longer calling the shots and that you are not going to come running to clean up.
Emergency psych placement sounds like it's appropritate.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/mom-has-been-through-30-caregivers-in-two-years-problem-is-she-is-rude-to-me-450131.htm?orderby=oldest
Sometimes we need to tolerate people in order for someone else to be comfortable. Leave mom in tye psych unit, they will try to help her. How much longer are you gone?
What a difficult situation!
My mom went thru 30 in one year
She refuses care. Even at nursing home she did same thing. Refused care and meds.
What a mess for you.
You said you took her there for respite- does that mean she lives with you & there were plans to bring her home? If so do she have any medication there?
I would advise her to go to the ER if she has any problems until she can connect with the VA again.
I am totally unfamiliar with the VA system but am hoping that due to your mother’s signing AMA they continue to treat her.
It does sound like your mother could could benefit from a psychiatric evaluation but she won’t go. She may benefit from medication for her symptoms.