My mom has a hx of non-compliance which led to her stroke almost a year ago. I tried to warn her about her irregular heart rhythm leading to a stroke, even drove her straight to the hospital I worked at when I picked her up from the airport 3 years ago.
I suspect my mom has a Aspergers but was never officially diagnosed (she's 73 now). My dad passed away from leukemia in 2014 and I was very involved in his care too.
I have one other sibling, an older brother, but he lives out of state. So I don't have him physically here to help me.
My mom lives in assisted living. I'm thankful for that as we'd just butt heads if we lived together. Though anytime something comes up (which is often due to all her comorbidities) it's my responsibility.
I'm in my mid-30s, married and still trying to have my own life (and career). My dad died when I was 28 years old. Never thought I'd have to deal with all of this responsibility at a relatively young age.
I'm burned out on caregiving. Not even sure I want to be a practicing nurse anymore. I've stepped away from patient care but still work in nursing education.
My mom recently got a CPAP machine last week. We had a thorough appointment on how to use it and all the maintenance. Then upon returning to her assisted living apartment, I had her demonstrate how to use it. I encouraged her to call staff for help if she got confused on how to place the mask on, turn on device, etc.
Three days later, I got a notification that my mom has been non-compliant with the CPAP. I got in touch with her assisted living. I also messaged her pulmonologist's office of what's going on and her hx of non-compliance.
I don't know if she will be compliant enough to keep her CPAP. I feel like her non-compliance is a reflection of me, especially as an RN. I used to work at the hospital where most of her appointments are located.
I just want my mom to have a good quality of life and be happy. There's so many appointments between heart, kidney, lung and urology. I can't even take her to all her appointments since starting a new job.
I want to live my life separate from my mom. I went off to college and paid my way through school. My parents didn't have the means to pay for my schooling. I did all this to be independent. And I'm married and have a career.
I just want to make sure I'm doing enough without wearing myself out. I also have back issues and recently got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. So I have to be careful how stress affects me.
I feel like I'm neglecting my mom if I just let her live how she wants to. But when it comes to life and death (like with her stroke) that's when she'll want my help.
I know I need to enforce healthy boundaries for my health and sanity and for my husband's sake also.
I don't feel like I should have to bend over backwards for a parent who has been non-compliant. I've tried to rationalize with her and educate her (several times over the past 15 years between nursing school and being a nurse).
I feel like I had to grow up fast and outgrew my mom when I became a teenager. She didn't understand why a girl wanted to go off to college and have an education and career.
I really just want to live my life completely independent from my mom. I also want her to be happy. I am her medical POA so there are times I have to intervene. I manage all her appointments and find transportation when I'm not able to take off work.
My mom doesn't understand that her noncompliance affects me (yes, I've told her several times). But I don't know how to do enough without jeopardizing my health. And it still may not be enough.