I am 57, single, and without siblings (only child). I moved my mother in with me 6 years ago; she was living in the country with my aunt, who passed away. I had little hesitation in making this decision; she was not capable of living alone in a community that was very under-resourced in terms of the kind of care she needs. I have since built a solid support team for her -- a professional caregiver who works about 6-8 hours per week, helping coordinate doctor visits, running errands, etc; a wonderful primary care physician who will make a house call if necessary; and a couple other friends (who love her like their own mother); one a nurse and the other who works in an assisted care facility -- so there are people around who have skills and knowledge to support her. I also have a good support system myself -- friends, peers, I see a counselor as needed, and have a pretty healthy social life. Mother also is not rude or abusive; she has a fundamentally kind disposition, although she has been really struggling with depression lately, which exacerbates other issues -- her willingness to ask for help, her willingness to tell me when she's not feeling well; etc. And, at the same time, I find myself REALLY frustrated as a single (divorced), healthy man who by necessity, devotes the bulk his time to work (I am self-employed, so if I don't work the dollars don't come in -- in a career I enjoy) and caregiving. On the limited occasions when I have dated over the past few years, I have ended up spending more time at the other person's home or apartment; sometimes having difficulty explaining (particularly a few years back when mother was really ill and recovering from major surgery) the time required for caregiving; and, feeling frustrated that I don't have a truly private place of my own to go with a date (I've thought about renting a studio apartment just so I could have my own completely separate space, but this is financially prohibitive for now). I'm curious how other caregivers who are single (and would love to be partnered) navigate this terrain. Thanks. This forum keeps me sane.

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Could your mother afford to live in an assisted living place?

Is she on medication for her depression? If so, does she take her meds regularly?
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Bumping this up as I hope that others have some insights to offer about your situation. For starters I would imagine that making it very clear that you are completely on top of things and aren't looking for or needing help with caregiving would be important, just so you don't accidentally scare a good prospect off. Hmm, another thought is maybe focusing your efforts on looking to meet interesting folks among the medical/helping professions, who possibly might tend be less clueless about illness, frailty, taking care of others, etc.? Good luck!
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