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Although my mother has mentioned it to me over the last year she finally said something about a nursing home to her brother. Hopefully it’s the first step to getting her into a decent place but now I have to wrap my mind around moving her. What do you take the first day? What do you take long term? How long do you stay the first day? When do you start to feel alright with leaving?

would her brother be willing to help bring up the conversation again with her? does your uncle know how hard it is for you to be caretaker?
I think you selected alzheimers/dementia category in previous post.

if she has memory problems  - even if she agrees. she can turn around 5 min later and say "I never said that"

do you live in your mothers home/apartment?
you stay with her 24/7?
do you know how she would pay for a facility if she ever moved?
is she able to afford any outside help so you can have a break?

im not sure if you have provided any of this information in your previous posts.?

I am replying to your post below:
Thanks you for the advice. Unfortunately I’ll have to put it away for now. My mothers moment of clarity has faded and with it any hope of placement in a nursing facility. She has once again turn to her child-like delusion that “everything will be ok”.
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do you have all her financial info ready? and prepared for costs etc ?
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Gremlin, this would be a great step forward. I would suggest visiting a few of the possible facilities in you area for a tour. They will show you the rooms and let you know what they provide and what you should bring. It may differ between facilities. Just to give you an idea, Moms provided the bed, nightstand, lamp, dresser, freestanding closet, guest chair. The first day we brought her clothes, TV, radio, clock, pictures and decor for the walls, her favorite bedspreads and a tall/narrow shelving unit. I brought her curling iron and hair dryer in case I do her hair instead of the hairdresser. Some things have come and gone, but basically stayed the same for 2 years. I opted to have them do her laundry so I ironed on name labels onto all her clothes before she got there. They provide all her soaps and shampoo and lotions, toothpaste, pull-ups, towels, linens etc.

The first day we stayed a few hours getting settled and left her at an activity. When did I finally feel ok about leaving? It took a while. I visited a lot and eventually I got used to the aides and nurses, and the routine, and they got familiar with her. It was after a couple of health care issues, I realized that they made the same decisions I would have made had I been present, and I was able to relax a little more knowing she was being more well cared for than I could possibly do.

This is could be your first step to reinventing yourself!
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Gremlin Aug 24, 2018
Thanks you for the advice. Unfortunately I’ll have to put it away for now. My mothers moment of clarity has faded and with it any hope of placement in a nursing facility. She has once again turn to her child-like delusion that “everything will be ok”.
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Take one step at a time. First, find a place for her. Do tours and take her along. When you decide on a place, count on the staff to let you know what to bring. They often advise against heirlooms and irreplaceable things. Once Mom is there for a while, you’ll know what she needs. She will tell you or sometimes the staff will. When you move her in, stay for a meal. Visit for a short while and then leave. Don’t hover. Don’t visit every day for hours. The staff needs to get to know her and she needs to get to know them and the routine. You can always call the nurse on her floor if you need a status report. I never really felt ok about leaving because my mom complained every minute of every visit. But you learn to live with it. She was safe, fed and well-cared for. I was ok with that.
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