How to handle the guilt about not being there for elderly mom?

Figure out a way to go see your mother and spend some time with her so you can see how she's doing firsthand, in person. Then the guilt will fade away since you've carved out some time to spend with her after her injury. There is the weekend that you can drive 3 hours on a Friday night and come home on Sunday in time to go to work on Monday. That is my suggestion........find the time to spend with her and both of you will feel better in the long run. That's not to say you shouldn't go on vacation.......you should. But you can go on vacation AND spend a bit of time with your mother too. That way, she'll be happier and you'll get to go on vacation as well.

Good luck!

Thank you for your response. She fell two months ago. She has been a terrible patient and doesn't follow drs orders so healing will take longer. She has forbid the caregivers to speak with me because she doesn't want to be "outed" for not doing what dr has requested. One of them still calls me with updates. This caregiver almost quit because my mother treats her with so much disrespect. Mother refused to go to rehab and has told us that if we put her in an assisted living facility she will commit suicide. So our only option now is to pay for the round the clock caregivers. Which we are getting through a service. She is paying for it, but not sure how long she will have money for this. She is 78.

Did she fall recently? What happened? How old is your mom? Does she have any cognitive impairment as well? Are you saying she is in rehab for the fall or now back at home and still needs 24/7 care?

If you have a spouse and family they are your priority no matter what. Your mom should be the only one paying for her care, as it will be financially unsustainable (and unfair) for you/your family to finance it.

The timing of things is unfortunate but please do go on vacation and try to not feel guilty -- when you return you and your sister will be spending ample time figuring out your mom's future care and needs. Hopefully you or someone is your mom's PoA. Please check the language in the document to see when the authority is activated. Also, 24/7 caregivers will be more expensive than a facility, and being at home with a caregiver can be socially isolating (I'm working through this situation with my LO right now). And, if you are not using agency-provided aids, privately hiring caregivers makes you an employer in the eyes of the IRS in many states. This means the financial PoA will be required to withhold taxes from aids' paychecks, provide vacation, file quarterly reports, send them W2s at the end of each year, etc. There is much to take of so do go on your vacation and get refreshed before moving forward with the management of your mom's future care. May you receive peace in your heart that you are doing nothing to feel guilty about.