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Hey all..


Both of my parents are in a very nice memory care. There are a few situations that come up that make things more difficult for me during my visits.


Typically I like to sit with my parents in the back yard of the facility (weather permitting).. and I also bring my puppy.. which my parents, the house dog... and some of the other residents really enjoy.


The problem I have is with some of the other residents (not all.. just the more difficult ones).. some of the staff and family member will see me out with my puppy and bring other residents out there.. and leave them there unattended.. with me to watch them.. and which makes my visit so much more difficult. My visits can be stressful enough without adding other residents for me to watch.


Last visit with my puppy.. one of the new male resident grabbed the leash from me.. and wouldn't let go.. and made a motion like he was going to hit me. This resident was led out to the backyard by his family member.. who took him to the backyard.. and promptly left him. I was extremely uncomfortable with that situation.


Today I went for a lunch visit.. and one of the staff took the same man out as soon as she saw me going to the backyard... and left him there. Its almost like they see me as the entertainment... This makes my visit harder... I know this place is the other residents home too but I really don't think it is fair to encourage other residents to go outside while I am trying to visit with my parents... and expect me to watch them.


I am going to have a meeting next week and am thinking about mentioning this to the administrator.. do you all think it is a valid complaint.. or is this just something I need to deal with?



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Geez Louise, Katie, I'd go ballistic if someone left me with an "additional" patient!

Maybe they think because you have a dog you're a professional on staff?

"I'm so sorry, I'm just hear to visit my mom; I can't be responsible for your loved one". I think that should cover it.
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I'd raise the issue in your meeting, but as a question rather than a complaint. You say that this is what's happening, you don't want it to happen, how can you or the facility manage it. You want to focus on your parents, and you cannot take responsibility for other residents.

You shouldn't have to go inside, or confront staff, let alone another family.
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Ahmijoy Oct 10, 2018
I agree she shouldn’t have to go inside, but if there are no staff out there to supervise, that means she and her parents just sit out there and tolerate this I’m not sure what the lesser of 2 evils would be. If it were me, I would remove myself from the situation at least until the meeting and then bring it up. As long as she’s not approached by the other residents, the visit can continue, but she and puppy are not there as entertainment and leaving might be a silent but effective way to get this across.
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Speak up.Its totally valid.It is not your responsibility to entertain or watch the other residents.You are there for your own parents.The staff members that take advantage of your pup as being entertainment value for the other residents need to be out there to look after them and intervene when a resident gets out of hand.It isn't fair you should have to worry about being it or harassed by anyone when you visit mom and dad.
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shad250 Oct 12, 2018
Maybe the staffers are glad to have a break from dealing with some of these residents.
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When u have your care meeting, please don't pussy foot around. For one thing you aren't given that much time. When I had mine it was more them talking to me and only 15 minutes long. Come right out and tell them what has been going on. Exactly what u posted here. That u feel used. That no aide stays around to take control if a problem arises. You r there to visit your parents not to be entertainment. Just say "I have a problem I need to address", At the meeting will be all the "bosses".

Make sure you post how it went.
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It’s not a complaint but a safety issue for you and the other resident. The staff shouldn’t expect you to keep an eye on other residents.
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shad250 Oct 12, 2018
Staff could be trying to avoid burn out.
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Valid complaint.  Please do talk to the administrator.
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This is ABSOLUTELY a valid complaint! You are there for your parents and you cannot be responsible for the other residents too, especially when there are some who might become belligerent, or even violent. The family members of the other residents need to be told this also - you are not an "elder-sitter" for their relatives. In the meantime, perhaps a strategy would be to go back indoors as soon as it looks like you're going to end up in this situation and explain that you will not be an unpaid care-giver/entertainer for others.
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When you see the staff or a family member bringing someone out and leaving them, pack up puppers and Mom and Dad and go back in. You have no responsibility to babysit or entertain anyone but your own parents. What if the man had hit you? Or injured your pup?

And, during your meeting, you absolutely need to address this. A man who has the potential to be violent has no business being left alone with the family of another resident or out by himself with no supervision. Just simply leave and finish your visit indoors.
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Thanks for the comments.  I do plan on bringing it up in the care meeting.. of course.. who knows if it will actually cause a change tho.  I see a pattern of them bringing residents around me.. some are confined to wheelchairs and need help.  Its not pleasant for me to have to go running to find someone when they try to get up (which they always do).  

I go in there acting like I am having fun  (and I think they might think it is a big party for me).. actually it isn't and I do the energetic fun thing to try to have a successful visit.. and often when I leave I am exhausted.

Today one of the residents came out and said.. I heard there was a party going on out here.. so I think they are trying to get them to come out.. which I wouldn't mind if someone from the staff came out as well... or a family member.  

My meeting is Tuesday.. so I will update the thread with how that turned out..

Thanks..
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I try to be inclusive of the other residents when I visit Dad in the common areas of his memory care unit and who can ignore a puppy? But I won't take responsibility for the other residents, so I would definitely bring up the subject. Agree with the person who suggested you bring it up as a "how can we handle this together" comment, as I have found you need to develop a partnership with the staff.
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