How to handle my elderly widowed father who calls a much younger woman multiple times a day and is now sending her money but does all in secret?

It is such a shame that they live this long and don't realize that there is no way a 25/40 yr old would be really interested in him. There was a Dear Abby just the other day where the man was a 69yr okd widower. His 30 yr old lady neighbor invites him over for dinner 3x a week. He has formed feelings for her. They hug when he leaves, should he give her a kiss? No, because this woman probably sees him as a father figure, if not a grandfather figure. Really, a 30 yr old wants a 69 yr old? Different when you have grown old with this 69 yr old but a 30 yr old saying "yeah I want that 69yr old man" that she will eventually have to care for? I am 72 and don't want an 80 yr old. And I doubt even a 60yr old would want me. What happens to our logic as we age because woman fall for these scams too.

I would offer to take him for a visit so you can meet your soon to be step mommy.

Maybe, making her or him, say no will help him understand that he is being taken advantage of.

My dad literally picked up a whore from a whorehouse in NV and she got him for millions. He died with nothing but his social security check monthly.

It was sad to watch but, he made his own choices and paid for the consequences. At least he had or thought he had fun for awhile.

My Dad hasn't done exactly that but he's gotten in trouble sending money to people who claim they will fix his computer or something like that. Since I write the checks to pay his bills — which he is fine with, he doesn't want the hassle — I set up two accounts, one is the real one with all the major money, and one is a "spending money" one and it has some restrictions on how much he can spend in a day, or in any one transaction. Pretty easy to set up, and it's saved us a lot of hassles. He still has money, but if he tries to spend too much (or take out too much) he can't. He blames the bank and "that damn card!" and not me. :)

Evidently if he thinks he's doing all this in secret he's got that wrong, anyway.

There is no fool like an old fool. Since you have gained access to his "secret" you'd better be open with him about what you know and in what way he is being conned. If he is. If you can prove it.

My father is doing the same thing. He cashed in one CD and gave her the cash for a down payment on a house. She just called asking for 30k to pay bills.
He met this one on dating website.
Then there are the overseas ones. He seems to think its normal for 25 year old women to be interested in 87 year old men lol
There is not a thing I can do about it.

This is an extremely common scam perpetrated against the elderly. If this is happening through a device, like laptop, maybe it can become "infected with a virus" and require some time in the shop (wink).

If you're his FPoA and he does not yet have a diagnosis of cognitive impairment or memory problems, then I'd read the PoA doc to see what's required to activate your authority and then create a "therapeutic fib" to get him into a medical appointment for discrete testing. Don't wait to act as these scammers are very good at what they do. It's a hard crime to prosecute and once they
ve drained him they disappear.

Heddy, we really need more information. Does your Dad have any memory issues? Is your Dad living on his own, or living with you? I was curious about his living arrangement since you said he is doing this all in secret.... just wondering how you know about the calls and Dad sending the woman money?

Who is Dad's financial Power of Attorney? If Dad is making poor judgments regarding how he is using his money, that POA could step in to help your Dad manage his money.

Not much you can do unfortunately if he is in his right mind. My FIL lost over 100,000 to a scammer who he thought was in love with him. Yes he was mid seventies and she was a 30 year old who lived overseas. Tell dad if he loses all his money to this scammer you are not giving him any money or taking care of him.