My mom is in an independent living facility and has moderate dementia. I am POA (both durable and medical). My brother is constantly using her debit card to buy expensive computer equipment in the $1000s of dollars range. I keep having to cancel the cards and get new ones. I try to dispute the charges with the bank, but since it is a family member, they do nothing. When I confront my brother, he denies doing it or says that mom told him he could have the money. I even threaten to call the police if he doesn’t stop. I tell mom to hide the card from him (he lives near her, I don’t), but somehow he always seems to get the card number within days of my ordering a new one. My only solution so far has been to open a separate account in my name and transfer all of her money into it while leaving enough in her account to pay for rent and miss items. I told my brother that I did this and said there wouldn’t be enough money in it for him to buy a $7,000 video cable, for example.
In the meantime, my mother’s short term memory is gone and she is fiercely independent. She gets agitated easily and fights me tooth and nail when I try to get her help. She is not aware of the money situation (when I tell her, she’s forgotten by the next day).
If anyone has any thoughts about what to do about my brother, I’d love to hear them. He has spent close to $100k of my mom’s money and she is going to run out soon and will be on the streets because I can’t take her in and my brother refuses to.
For my brother, we did arrange that he would keep his when he moved into ALF, but I was POA and all billing was sent to me, and the credit card company told me that as POA I was responsible for these bills and for notifying them of any changes.
He really didn't ever use his. I did give him a small personal account with a debit card, and that worked very well; amazingly he only made that account GROW rather than deplete.
As POA just take on all of the bills in and out and keep menticulous records. Take away all credit and debit ability unless you want to make that small personal account. Work with the banker who will help you to do this with a good POA document.
Brother is then out of it all, unless mom wants to spend her allowance account on him.
The problem with trying to file a police report on your brother is that they may interview your Mom and she may not remember or likely will cover for your brother, unless she has a medical diagnosis of memory and cognitive impairment from her doctor which you can print out for the cops (so that the date precedes the theft). So, if you go this route you should have tempered expectations for an outcome. If nothing else maybe it sends the signal that you're serious about him stopping this theft (which is what it is).
Put all her bills on autopay through her bank and only keep a minimum amount of cash in her checking account to cover her expenses. All other cash should be in a savings account and she has no access to a checkbook, and all her other sensitive paperwork and info should not be accessible to her. Also freeze her credit so brother doesn't get the notion to take cc's or loans out in her name.
I also agree that it's time for your Mom to transition into AL.
Then second, DO NOT give your mom any of her debit/credit cards, but keep them yourself so greedy brother cannot get them.
Your mom allowing your brother to take money from her will only get her in trouble down the road if and when Medicaid is needed, as there is always a 5 year(in most states)look back.
Hopefully once she's placed in an assisted living facility or memory care, this nonsense with your brother will stop.
But until then, report him to the police if you have to and file a police report, so that is on file if needed in the future.
You as her POA, must keep her and her money safe, and keep meticulous records of where every penny is going.
I have a brother who is currently taking advantage of my mother’s money under different circumstances. These people can’t be reasoned with. They just take and take.
Maybe give mom one of those prepaid debit cards and only put $200 on it at a time.
I would see an Elder Lawyer.