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How to best respond without becoming emotional when an elderly parent is nasty, cursing or insulting? Thank you

The question is, why is your father behaving himself in such a nasty way towards you? If you are putting yourself out caring for him, and being treated in such an ugly way, I'd give him an ultimatum: act like a civilized human being or pay someone else to put up with you and your behavior.

If he's suffering from dementia, he can still be told what you are and are not willing to tolerate from him, behavior-wise. My mother has pretty advanced dementia but when I tell her that I won't listen to her ranting and raving & will either come back at a later time/call her at a later time when she's in a better mood, you'd be surprised at how quickly she calms down. A person will tend to push another person as far as they THINK they can before being told to cut the crap.

Wishing you the best of luck setting down boundaries to how much you will tolerate from your father. Respect is a two-way street.
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Arp1754 Sep 26, 2021
I don’t know if I am correct so please correct me if I am wrong. All situations from friends, other family members and my own experience is that they all become difficult. Even my other grandmother who I didn’t care for gave her daughter a hard time and she was the nicest lady ever. I don’t use my own experience as judgement for all caregiver experience because mine is different. It seems like recently family and friends have to care for their loved ones because I don’t remember knowing so many people who were caregivers in the past. They all told me that they used to be nice and now they are so mean since they started caring for them

btw, I am not by any means saying that it’s the way it is and that you need to take it. Yes set boundaries. I guess I am trying to hope there are some good out there. Sorry if it came out that ways because I hated it when I was told that’s how it is
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One way is to say "I'll come back when you are feeling better" (in a neutral tone and walk out of the room, house or hang up the phone.

Arguing with someone, no matter their age, when they are upset is a recipe for a nom-productive exchange.
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Bgbn24 Sep 26, 2021
Thanks
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No response at all. Leave each and every time it occurs. No matter his situation there’s no need for you to be treated this way
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Bgbn24 Sep 26, 2021
Thank you, will try to...once his needs are met and ensure he's in a safe position. Time and space are the words of my brother.
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Walk away. Like when my MIL told me when I was eating a couple of peaches that “if you eat too much, you get fat! YOU FAT!” I was SO PISSED, but I just said, “If you’re going to be nasty, I’m not going to sit with you,” and walked away. I had to blow off steam, and she came around. I’m not getting paid, so screw that. I’m not just going to stand there and take it.
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My husband can be quite biting in his responses and is often disagreeable and grumpy. My feelings are easily bruised. He's always been a bit of a grumpalopolous...his health issues have only exacerbated these characteristics.

I try very hard not to engage when he tries to draw me into responding to his harsh words. I'm not always successful, but am always better off for having tried. It's double hard when it's someone you love...and is supposed to love you.
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Bgbn24 Sep 26, 2021
Thank you Judycares and everyone else for your replies and suggestions. No, thank G-d, it's not dementia that's causing the unwanted demeanor / behavior, it's personality and I believe because of reduced ability, physical limitations, predisposed personality traits are exacerbated now. It is difficult as you say not to use harsh words in a reciprocal way when verbally attacked but I like everyone's idea of exiting the physical space if possible and returning later. Truth is nine times out of ten he does calm down and his demeanor becomes more appropriate with time and space. And food helps too. Thank you again, wishing you well.
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Does this person have a Dementia. If so you need to allow it to roll off your back. They have lost their filter and say what ever enters their mind.

If he is just a nasty person, then you just need to walk away telling him you will not put up with his nastiness. You are also an adult and as such you need to be respected. If he relies on you, then you need to tell him he needs you more than you need him. Call his bluff and tell him you can always walk thru the door and not return. (Hope ur not living with him) Look up the "Grey rock menthod".

If you give us more info, you'll get better answers. His age, his health, do u live together.
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I agree with many post trying to find a balance with not responding but also not allowing it because it might get worse if he gets away with it. Does he have friends and someone his age he can relate to? Maybe try to get him to the senior center to relate so he feels he can relate with more people.
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Leave and don't give attention to bad behavior. Install cameras.
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