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My mother with Alzheimer's has been in a nursing home over a year. My sister who lives 4 hours away has never visited her. The last 15 years my mom lived at home alone my sister visited 6 times.

When mom went into a nursing home, I needed to clean out her apartment and give it up. I could not afford to keep paying the rent and expenses on an apartment my mom would never return to. My sister wanted (all of) my mother's things and said she would come and get them (she had keys). When two months had passed and she didn't come, I gave the apartment up. She wasn't helping me pay for it even though she said she would. She kept promising and saying she "just had to get the prices from uHaul." I realized after a while that was never going to happen, so I donated, disposed of, and sold my mother's things to get them out of the apartment.Put the money from the sale into mom's account. She was angry but I had no choice. Now she's not speaking to me.

Here's my question. My mom has developed aphasia. I know she and my sister have not been close for a while. I just hate for my mom to die without my sister getting to spend time with her and try to communicate, make peace, say goodbye. I hope that she is not staying away because she hates me. Although she won't return my calls, I know she gets texts and I sometimes think I should tell her "mom's getting worse, if you want to be able to communicate with her you need to get here soon, don't let the fact that you're angry with me rob you of that chance, I'll put you up on a hotel since you won't want to stay at my house..."

Am I kidding myself thinking that would make a difference? Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2006 and my sister did not rush to her side. Instead, she let all the caregiving fall to me, and continued asking my mother for money. (She's always broke.)

I want to believe that my sister just needs some encouragement to come and see mom and they can have a wonderful visit. I know it would destroy me to not be near my mom as she approaches end of life. I wonder if she's suffering, and also if we can repair our relationship.

Advice? Opinions?

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Im in the same boat. My siblngs were close to my parents all there lives but began distancing themselves from my parents and me as my parents declne began. Other relatives are the same. It is selfishness and they have fear they will get pulled in. I am sad every day because I feel like the only one that cares about them anymore.

Yep...you cant fix selfsh. Im sorry you are going through this. (((Hugs)))
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you can change selfish..........am here any time u need support.
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I am in the same boat just that my sistser inherited quite a bit of money last year.When my mom wanted her to come her waterford crystal etc she was over within a day,but since then she doesnt visit at all yet had the never to tell me I was only taking care of them 86-88 yr old parents to see what I could get.They did put my name on the deed of the mobile home in a very nice community...I have access to savings acct but Ive never taken a penny I left my home in Atlanta and family to be here since july...I told her I left grand kids for my name on deed of house please......
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FIDO.. Forget It Drive On. You obviously have the courage to change the things that you can. You cannot change them. Accept the wisdom to know the difference. They have no courage.
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