Mom may be ok yet with smaller day-day transactions (buying coffees & lunch) but now need supervision for any online purchases or orders past a simple debit card limit.
It is time to cut up the credit card, remove access from the website (if she has access) and slowly remove access to all banking and investment accounts.
Remove does not mean she does not own them...it just means that she needs to have more than one person review any type of transaction she has.
Your Mom is ripe for a scam. Please take actions. Contact her bank and put notifications that she cannot withdraw or transfer money. Change passwords on electronic access to credit cards and investment accounts so that she cannot get a temporary credit card number or cash out investments. Change password on accounts that allow her to "buy" gift cards. Change passwords on paypal, zello and venmo if she uses those services.
It painful and detailed and you will have to go through all kinds of "hoops". On the other hand, scammers don't really care if you give them $10, $100 or $50,000. It is more money than if they never had tried to get in the first place.
If she says she needs money to live on, it is time to put her in Assisted Living/Memory Care where most of her expenses are already provided. You could give her a small allowance each week, however, don't be surprised if it goes missing. Probably no one stole it, it is just that it is not in the place where she thought it should be.
Getting old is not for the faint of heart. Paranoia happens a lot due to the "broken brain".
I am my mother's POA but the POA isn't currently activated, however because I have her permission I have taken over all her bills. She did the exact things you're describing, constantly thinking charges she made were fraud as well as being a victim of fraud from typing her credit card numbers into any spam email she received.
What worked for me was telling her that credit cards just aren't great any more because there's constant fraud and having her let me set up a prepaid card. There are several companies that offer this, I happen to use one called True Link. (They're not paying me, I pay them a monthly fee and happy to do it.) I have total "parental" style control over all her transactions and the one time she managed to type the True Link card number into a fraudulent site I easily stopped the charges and got a new card number.
Other accounts I set up alternate payment methods, for example her Amazon has a reloading gift card that automatically fills itself up as she spends. So far so good!
I agree that you need Power of Attorney (POA) for her financial affairs to straighten things out. This would enable you to take over her financial affairs. Have you had the discussion with her? Maybe she would let you take over her finances now if you offer to take care of paying all her bills. Would you be the POA? Is all her paperwork in order? She needs to set up POA for medical (called Health Care Proxy) and financial matters (called Durable Power of Attorney), make a will if she has assets (including car, home, financial accounts, etc.), have a living will with her advance medical directives. You may need an attorney specializing in elder law if she has assets. If she does not have a high income, get connected with a local social worker or contact her state's Department of Aging to find out if she is receiving all of the benefits she is entitled to, and if they can recommend a pro bono attorney or standard forms. If you have access to her accounts online, you can put limits on her credit cards and set things up to go paperless. If you can, put all her bills and financial statements together and make a list of her accounts and the contact information for the accounts (website, address, name, telephone number). You also need to be on file with her financial institutions and Medicare/Social Security to be able to act on her behalf.
If it were my mom, I would take over her financial life. ASAP. But you would have to have POA to have any true say over this. But get it going now so you can get a handle on things before something more serious happens. It appears that her dementia has declined and her care needs to take that into consideration.
Geaton is correct. If this is your mom her disease has spread now to the point that she may no longer be able to remain in independent living and in charge of her own finances without great risk. As her child I can only recommend that it is now time to see an Elder Law Attorney and to make careful checkup and decisions about POA, and to communicate with her credit card company.
While you can change up this credit card thing with a simple sneaky call to her credit card company (which would likely cancel out ALL her credit,) you cannot, without being her POA and handling her finances, prevent other scamming. Millions and millions are lost yearly.
Go to AARP website to look up information about scams and what to do about them. Become POA. When I managed my brother's finances I paid all bills. I communicated with his ONE credit card company. Bills were sent to me. They kept a watch on his account as did I. I had access to charge information. I was responsible for the bills if things went South. I was responsible to report any mental changes his dx of "probable early Lewy's Dementia" made, and they were one of my first calls to cancel his credit when he died. He had had the card many years. Used only when buying clothing, drugs, etc. Was in ALF across the state from me and wasn't allowed to keep cash in his room. Truly NEEDED this card, but sure was kept safe by the company and by me.
You have work cut out for you. You tell us very little in your question; we've no way of knowing if you wish to take this on. I hope your Mom is cooperative or she is online to lose a bundle of money. So very sorry. I know the tremendous amount of work POA is, but without it your Mom is in danger now. And she will soon be incapable of being able to confer POA on someone for her own protection. An attorney will help explain all of this, and help you know if you are able to do this tough job or should hire a licensed Financial Fiduciary.
"I am caring for my mother, living in independent living with alzheimer's / dementia."
Forgive me for asking the obvious but why is someone with ALZ /dementia living in IL? Did she move ther when she had all her faculties and now she is in decline?
If you (or someone) is her PoA this person needs to read the document to see what triggers the authority to make decisions in their best interests. It is usually 1 or 2 medical diagnosis of impairment. Now this person has the legal ability to cancel her credit cards and secure all her other important accounts and manage her affairs (assuming the PoA is also for financial and not just medical).
If she is suddenly more confused than normal she could have a UTI, which in the elderly is extremely common and usually only presents with symptoms of behavior and cognitive change. Maybe consider taking her to Urgent Care or the ER, and if she isn't cooperative consider calling 911 and telling them she is in a state of confusion and may have a UTI but won't cooperate. It is likely they will take her.
She is at risk for a big scam or financial fraud so you or her PoA must act right away to protect her assets from herself and others. You can consider getting her pre-paid credit cards so that she has limits and if they're stolen or lost it is a controlled amount. If she has a large balance in her checking then her FPoA should move most of it to her savings where she is less able to access it (and also take her checks away since she probably isn't managing that well anymore either).
When we were first figuring out that my MIL was having memory issues we discovered she had $900+ in overdrafts in her checking account and she kept losing her checkbooks and reordering them. She had dozens of boxes of checkbooks at her house. Her bills were unopened sitting on her dining room table.
Someone needs to intercede for her now. If she doesn't have a UTI, then IL is no longer appropriate for her. She may need AL or even MC.
Mom may be ok yet with smaller day-day transactions (buying coffees & lunch) but now need supervision for any online purchases or orders past a simple debit card limit.
POA to take on the rest.
Remove does not mean she does not own them...it just means that she needs to have more than one person review any type of transaction she has.
Your Mom is ripe for a scam. Please take actions. Contact her bank and put notifications that she cannot withdraw or transfer money. Change passwords on electronic access to credit cards and investment accounts so that she cannot get a temporary credit card number or cash out investments. Change password on accounts that allow her to "buy" gift cards. Change passwords on paypal, zello and venmo if she uses those services.
It painful and detailed and you will have to go through all kinds of "hoops". On the other hand, scammers don't really care if you give them $10, $100 or $50,000. It is more money than if they never had tried to get in the first place.
If she says she needs money to live on, it is time to put her in Assisted Living/Memory Care where most of her expenses are already provided. You could give her a small allowance each week, however, don't be surprised if it goes missing. Probably no one stole it, it is just that it is not in the place where she thought it should be.
Getting old is not for the faint of heart. Paranoia happens a lot due to the "broken brain".
What worked for me was telling her that credit cards just aren't great any more because there's constant fraud and having her let me set up a prepaid card. There are several companies that offer this, I happen to use one called True Link. (They're not paying me, I pay them a monthly fee and happy to do it.) I have total "parental" style control over all her transactions and the one time she managed to type the True Link card number into a fraudulent site I easily stopped the charges and got a new card number.
Other accounts I set up alternate payment methods, for example her Amazon has a reloading gift card that automatically fills itself up as she spends. So far so good!
As her child I can only recommend that it is now time to see an Elder Law Attorney and to make careful checkup and decisions about POA, and to communicate with her credit card company.
While you can change up this credit card thing with a simple sneaky call to her credit card company (which would likely cancel out ALL her credit,) you cannot, without being her POA and handling her finances, prevent other scamming. Millions and millions are lost yearly.
Go to AARP website to look up information about scams and what to do about them.
Become POA.
When I managed my brother's finances I paid all bills. I communicated with his ONE credit card company. Bills were sent to me. They kept a watch on his account as did I. I had access to charge information. I was responsible for the bills if things went South. I was responsible to report any mental changes his dx of "probable early Lewy's Dementia" made, and they were one of my first calls to cancel his credit when he died. He had had the card many years. Used only when buying clothing, drugs, etc. Was in ALF across the state from me and wasn't allowed to keep cash in his room. Truly NEEDED this card, but sure was kept safe by the company and by me.
You have work cut out for you. You tell us very little in your question; we've no way of knowing if you wish to take this on.
I hope your Mom is cooperative or she is online to lose a bundle of money. So very sorry. I know the tremendous amount of work POA is, but without it your Mom is in danger now. And she will soon be incapable of being able to confer POA on someone for her own protection. An attorney will help explain all of this, and help you know if you are able to do this tough job or should hire a licensed Financial Fiduciary.
"I am caring for my mother, living in independent living with alzheimer's / dementia."
Forgive me for asking the obvious but why is someone with ALZ /dementia living in IL? Did she move ther when she had all her faculties and now she is in decline?
If you (or someone) is her PoA this person needs to read the document to see what triggers the authority to make decisions in their best interests. It is usually 1 or 2 medical diagnosis of impairment. Now this person has the legal ability to cancel her credit cards and secure all her other important accounts and manage her affairs (assuming the PoA is also for financial and not just medical).
If she is suddenly more confused than normal she could have a UTI, which in the elderly is extremely common and usually only presents with symptoms of behavior and cognitive change. Maybe consider taking her to Urgent Care or the ER, and if she isn't cooperative consider calling 911 and telling them she is in a state of confusion and may have a UTI but won't cooperate. It is likely they will take her.
She is at risk for a big scam or financial fraud so you or her PoA must act right away to protect her assets from herself and others. You can consider getting her pre-paid credit cards so that she has limits and if they're stolen or lost it is a controlled amount. If she has a large balance in her checking then her FPoA should move most of it to her savings where she is less able to access it (and also take her checks away since she probably isn't managing that well anymore either).
When we were first figuring out that my MIL was having memory issues we discovered she had $900+ in overdrafts in her checking account and she kept losing her checkbooks and reordering them. She had dozens of boxes of checkbooks at her house. Her bills were unopened sitting on her dining room table.
Someone needs to intercede for her now. If she doesn't have a UTI, then IL is no longer appropriate for her. She may need AL or even MC.