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I took my mom to an Italian grocery/catering this past Wednesday afternoon. I bought her two 32oz containers of hearty soup, a 5lb baked ziti and two large crab cakes. I spent about $40. I was happy she would have this food for a good week, so I thought. I took her to dinner tonight and she told me everything I got for her at the Italian place was delicious. I took her home and opened her fridge and asked her where all the food was and she just shrugged. My mom usually eats a heavier lunch and light dinner. It’s in the caregivers contract not to eat her food, btw. I'm OK if they want to try a small taste, but they’re obviously chowing down. I know her caregivers are big eaters, too. I’m very put off by this. The monthly cost for their service is extremely high and now meals too? Also, my mom eats her dinner at 6 after they leave so the caregivers must’ve eaten everything at lunch in the last 2 days. She uses the caregivers from 8 till 5.

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What a shame that they ate the special food that you brought for your mom.

Yeah, do as Peggy says, remind them again not to eat her food.

Hey, Peggy

I actually did place laxatives as bait in my lunch. A coworker kept stealing my lunch out of our lounge refrigerator. He took the bait and after that day he never stole my lunch again. LOL 😆 It was chocolate ex lax! Do they still make that? I was in my 20’s when I did that.
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JoAnn29 May 2023
Good for you. I had a boss do this and everyone thought it was funny. Not me, I was a single Mom on a very tight budget. I had bought 2 rolls and just enough ham and cheese for 2 days of lunch to hold be to payday. I had no xtra money to buy lunch. He was Jewish too.😊
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I would inventory her house. Toilet tissue, tissues and papertowels. We had one OP that bought these in bulk. Thought it strange that one woman was using tons of toilet tissue. She started locking it up. Make sure all valuables are hidden. Certain rooms off limits.

I would remind the aides that Mom does not provide meals. Even if she says its OK, please do not eat her food. Then explain what you buy her, needs to last till the next time you visit. Don't accuse, Mom may have invited them and does not want to admit it.
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Be up front and honest, letting all in home caregivers know exactly what foods they can and cannot eat during their shifts. Place sticky notes on moms foods saying FOR MOM TO EAT ONLY, etc. While I believe in allowing employees to enjoy food with the elders they care for, it shouldnt be expensive specialty items you purchased specifically for her!
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Retired RN here! I have worked in many settings over 45 years of my career. For a while, I was a home health RN superviser as well as direct care giver. Never would I have thought my patients were to provide food/meals/snacks for me! I always had a small cooler packed with my own meals, snacks etc.!! Several times I was included by family/patient in a birthday or Christmas celebration, but that was food directly offered to me during a gathering. The thought of a caregiver rummaging around to find food for themselves is abhorrent to me, especially if the patient is unaware.
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Kristen2037 May 2023
Agree 100%
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We took a very different tack on this. My sisters and I brought Mom's favorite foods and stocked the fridge, with notes of instruction on how to warm and serve. We encouraged the caregivers to help themselves to the food. Mom ate so little that it just didn't make sense to warm such a small amount. We also thought that if the caregivers were sharing Mom's food they wouldn't need to be paying attention to making their own food as well. They were working 12 hour shifts and we thought that if Mom's food appealed to them we were happy to share with them. The caregivers didn't really eat very much. The food was also there for whatever family members and friends were there when lunch or dinner happened. Mom was always a generous hostess and would not have been comfortable eating in front of anyone without sharing.

It cost us very little and made everyone feel more friendly to each other. Glad we did it.
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AlvaDeer May 2023
I think this is so lovely. A wonderful approach. But I also recognize that over time it is really expensive with the cost of things today. The cost of help is already so onerous. I just wonder how many can afford to do it over the long haul.
How kind, though, and I would imagine so appreciated.
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I just ordered my mom a home delivery SINGLE SERVING meal plan. This is my passive aggressive way of handling things. 🙂

OP
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ventingisback May 2023
Last year, we had food stealing problems, too. I changed caregivers (not only for that reason; it was the tip of the iceberg). I think when you see food/grocery stealing, be careful OP, there might be other bad things happening, too.
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Maybe portion out food into containers and mark them...say "lunch Tuesday" "dinner Friday" that should make it clear to the aides and easy for them to heat and serve your Mom.
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Reinforce to them that moms on a special diet and that food for mom is prepared in a certain way. Were this me, I would hint that moms getting Metamucil or some other laxative.
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Do the caregivers do a good job with mom and does she like them?

Good caregiving help is hard to find. What sort of bind would you find yourself in if they leave over $40 worth of food?

Did they have the lunch WITH your Mom? I’d imagine she enjoyed having somebody to eat with.
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Hothouseflower May 2023
You are absolutely right about that. You have to consider yourself extremely lucky if you have competent, kind people people who are reliable. They are hard to find.

The two women that care for my mom don’t eat any of her food. But if they are hungry of course they could.

Before my dad went to the nursing home, my parents always sat down to a nice dinner that the caregiver prepared under my mom’s supervision. The caregiver was always invited to eat with them.

I try to be decent, it’s a hard job and I am thankful that our caregivers do it so well. When I am staying with my mom, I will drive the afternoon caregiver home at night. She lives close by and does not have a car. I want her to know she is appreciated. She is part of our team.
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Remember to install cameras to keep track of what's going on in your mother's home.
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