How to handle belligerent, confused mom?

I agree with Alva. This was an opportunity to get Mom into an Assisted living or Memory care unit. Her Dementia will not get better, it will worsen. What you experienced is her Dementia. She is taken from what was familiar to something all new. Did you put everything back in exactly the same way it was (or as close as u could)as her old apt? If not, her confusion comes from not knowing where everything is.

I have to disagree with Bundleofjoy when it comes to correcting Mom. This does not work with people suffering from a Dementia. You never argue with them. You try to redirect them. I guess you could have said "Really, I thought this was the one you chose. For now though you can stay here until something better comes along" if she argues, you then could say "Sorry Mom but I just don't have the energy to move you again, so for now you will need to stay here" You need to realize that Moms mind is dying little by little. Short-term memory is the first thing to go. With that is the ability to reason. Being able to process and comprehend comes later. In the early stage, they do realize that something is happening to them, so the anger and paranoia. Mom will not be able to live independently. Dementia has no rhyme or reason. Very unpredictable. You probably will always be her target. Get used to being the bad guy. You are just going to have to let things roll off your back and chalk it up to the desease.

Your profile suggests that your Mom is in Independent Living. I think she is too far advanced in dementia now to continue there and she requires placement up the ladder to more care. You are trying to convince her of something while recognizing that she has dementia? Has the facility not suggested to you that your Mom needs higher level of care? Are you not aware of it? You cannot argue with or convince someone who has dementia, and I fear your not recognizing what is happening here may endanger your Mom. I wish you the best. Speak with those in charge of the facility. If you are POA get Mom in for assessment of her current status.

it's very hard, exhausting and detrimental to your soul, to be falsely accused, and the target of unjustified anger. you're doing the right things OP: standing up for yourself, correcting the facts, reminding her that actually the truth is she chose the apartment.

that anger/accusations is unlikely to stop. in the future, there might be anger/accusations about other things (the topic will simply shift from the apartment to something else you're actually innocent of). she's not totally out of it (not completely incapable of reasoning) -- she simply CHOSE YOU as a target to blame things on. she's unhappy and wants to blame someone -- who's the easiest person to blame? YOU. it is NOT a coincidence she chose YOU to blame, and not someone else.

soooo:
1. realize that this anger/accusations will most likely continue
2. correct the facts, remind her of the truth, defend yourself (even if she doesn't believe you, it's important that you have corrected the facts)
3. after having corrected the facts several times, if you want maybe it's time to ignore the false accusations. or simply say, "you're wrong mom, your memory is wrong. i wouldn't lie to you," and leave it at that. she'll reply. you ignore.
4. do super kind things for yourself. being the target WILL AFFECT YOU.
5. if possible, take a break from being the target, by going no contact for a while (1 day? 2 days? whatever. take a break). rest, relax & recharge.

hugggg.

Of course she's confused, as folks with dementia do not like any change. So try and be a bit more understanding and don't try and win any arguments with her as you will lose every time.
You must learn to just go along with whatever she is saying as that will make your life and hers much easier.
Perhaps it's time you educate yourself more on the disease of dementia. Teepa Snow has a lot of great videos on YouTube along with some books she's written. Also the book The 36 Hour Day is a great place to start.
And most importantly you must remember that your moms brain is now broken and will never get any better, only worse, so learning what you can now about dementia will prepare you for what is yet to come.

I would say "Ok" and change the subject. If she has dementia her brain is broken and may be a continuous loop of thoughts, they tend to zero in on one issue, this too will pass as her illness progresses. Give it some time.

Your profile info says:

"I am caring for my mother Phyllis , who is 93 years old, living in independent living with age-related decline and alzheimer's / dementia."

It probably wouldn't hurt to get her checked for a UTI since these infections can temporarily cause extreme agitation and aggression in seniors. Certainly, the big apartment change would throw her off. She has dementia, so trying to remind or reason with her will just exhaust you and be unproductive.

Tell her any therapeutic fib you think will calm her. Agree that you did choose the new place but only because there wasn't any other option for another place. Apologize, then, change the subject abruptly to something else that is unrelated and pleasant or neutral. Often my husband will find funny videos on YouTube or TikTok to distract my Mom. Works every time. Just keep changing the subject. This is called redirection.