My sister lived with mom for not quite a year, moved out and I found out that she punched holes in walls and doors and was yelling at mom throughout her time there. She moved out, and mom is taking her back in (because my sister at 51"claims" she can't afford to live on her own) with my sister's children, ages 18, 17 (who is a juvenile delinquent with anger issues) 13 and 10. It is a 5 room house. I just recently found out that there was a domestic disturbance report with my moms and 17 yr old nephew at her house a few months back. I know that she cannot keep living like this! I don't know what to do because she is upset with me because I told her she lied to protect my sister and her children (but she did, and there is proof). I'm worried for her....My sister refuses to talk to me and has even threatened me on various occasions...
My sister found this out through something that I had said, Luckily Mom lives with me and my family. An issue came up last year and my sister laughed and made the comment that she would just yell at mom and mom would back down. I could not believe what I had heard. I would never treat my mom like that. I'm also very lucky for the kind husband that I have he treats mom like gold. I don't even trust my sister to let mom go to her house for a visit, not that my sister cares, she can't even give up a week to visit mom and tells me all the time that she could care less if she see's mom.
I have no idea where this comes from, I had always thought my whole life until the last 3 years that we had a close family and that if anything would happen we would all be there for each other but I have found quite the opposite. We lost my father back in 2005 and its just now me and mom, my sister and niece just see it as an opportunity to sit back and wait for an inheritance. I just don't understand people like this
If the JC has jurisdiction, you could anonymously refer the nephew to the Juvenile Court, as could the police. A caseworker would be assigned after the intake process, and it's even possible that he could be removed from the home and placed in something like we have in Michigan - Children's Village - until he reaches the age of majority, if he's determined to be a threat to your mother's welfare and safety.
Someone would have to pay charges for his "care" though, unless your mother is indigent. I don't recall how charges are paid under that circumstance.
It is a long ongoing battle. But kudos to you for stepping up to it. Push your elder services, once they get involved they can be unbelievably helpful.
57 year old brother, no job, three failed marriages. Moved in & out of mom's two room subsidized apartment. Exploited her financially, left her 40k in credit card debt, purchased a new truck in her name which he was having her pay for. Said payment was 1/3 of her monthly income.
She would call my other brother & I only when she was put of money as she hated us. She left my father (& the kids) when I wS 8. We would explain to her that she needed him removed from the home, should stop paying his bills (which also included child support), and that if she needed to appoint us in charge of her finances that we would do it as he would not come to us for money. She refused each time, calling us names, telling us that we a POS'. He would punch holes in the walls as well. I called elder services, repeatedly over the years. They did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! The e plainer that will my mother was not incompetent that she had the right to live in this manner, he rights include making bad decisions.
It wasn't until last winter in New England when we were socked with record snow fall that it all came to ahead. He busted up her apartment, the HUD housing FINALLY put him sorry ass out, finalmente!!!! He touch her vehicle and left the state. He left her indigent with no food, and no way to get any. By the time we found out she was on deaths door. I called elder services again, reported elder abuse and we were finally sent a social worker who was literally a god send. In no time we had a POA appointed, MDPOA, we had visiting nurses, services set up (all of which she through out) and we started getting her to the Dr.
We finally found out how bad off she was medically as it finally came to light that she had dementia and we also finally learned the extent of what he did to her financially, emotionally what he did to her may never be known, but we do know what it did to my other brother & I.
It is painfully sad to watch a situation like this but my advise to you would be to call elder affairs, do not take no for an answer, get the police involved, and document EVERYTHING!!!!! As you may someday need it! Please don't be surprised if your loved one gets angry with you. If you understand the cycle of abuse/abused people, you will know that their is a lot of shame, fear, and guilt that comes into play. Try not to take it personally and just push on knowing that standing up for what is right is a noble thing. Prayers, strength & love to you!!!!
The only thing is I know that my mom has trouble seeing, reading, etc. In order to sign a check (that someone else needs to fill out), I had to point to where she had to start signing ... Its a sad situation
I am so sorry. I think it will come to a head eventually and need intervention, but not until things get worse. Read around the threads. Some others are going though similar. (((((((Hugs))))))
Another question is - is she still capable of living alone in her house or is it time to look at other alternatives? At 85 she is getting up there. Does she have any major health issues?
It is great your mother has you and I wish you success in intervening for her welfare. Others may have other ideas.