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I can no longer handle the stress of dealing with my 86 year old demented father. He was put in a nursing home today, but I know w/in 21 days he will be released and will return to his own home where he will continue to be a danger to himself. I don't care that he is a danger to himself; I honestly to don't care about anything that happens to am any more. I have given up nearly 2 yers of my life dealing with his issues and I have had it. My brother is also unable/unwilling to be his POA. How do I remove myself from this legally?

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I am in the same boat with you guys, my 90 years old mother have been drive me crazy. I am thinking get out of the POA, but do not know how to do it, and not sure what the process and consequence will be. It is hard decision. I live in California, is any one know the POA law in California?
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This was posted 5 years ago?? Is your Dad still with us??and so sad if you can't handle him it's understood that's why there is nursing homes...you have to have his doctor say he's a danger to himself and can not be alone
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Wow! Have these posts ever helped me. Reading them, I felt I had written them. I now know I am not the only person going thru these same things.
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Great, I'm doing it again...answering old posts. Guess it helps folks today who are in the same boat though. Wonder if Daughter ever did walk away and what happened to "not so dear old dad?"
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Opps, make that "you don't want him to fret thinking something has happened to you (not him).
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Daughter, sounds like you've done enough for an ungreatful father. Two years...and no thanks. Yup, fill out the form, and try to forget he exists. Rather like Scrooge's business partner, Marley... you add to the length of heavy chains that bind later in life link by link by the choices you make in life. If his chains are heavy, you are NOT EXPECTED to carry them for him. Walk away and don't look back. Fortunately you can do that in your state.

However, before you go, If he's not so demented that he doesn't know you and can't read anything I'd sit and spill out all that he has done in life that lead you to this sad but inevitable decision. You don't want him to fret thinking something has happened to him. Leave it with the official signed form giving up POA.

Let him know he is on his own, that you are now out of the picture and are not coming back that it's time for you to leave him and his negativity and past bad behaviors behind before you get totally tangled up in those heavy chains with him.
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You write a letter to the grantor, stating that you no longer want to serve as proxy, effective immediately. Hand deliver it or send it by certified mail.

Think about whether you have any records of financial or legal management of the grantor's affairs, and if you need to provide documentation on your actions thus far (assuming that you have in fact been undertaking some financial or legal actions).
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I'm the acting power of attorney
How do I get out of it
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I'm the acting power of attorney, how do I revoke it
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my brother was hospitalised in april because he almost died he lost a lot of weight down to 108 from 160 plus lack of hi meds he has recovered he was supposed to stay with us until he got better then find his own place but he asked to stay with us permanently we agreed he is no longer capable of working hi benefits for hi meds will run out in dec 216 I asked him if he was concerned where he would get the money to pay for his meds that's your job your my p.o.a he said he will not go outside for a walk he gets out of bed sits on the couch watches tv till lunch from the table to the couch from the couch to the table for supper then back to the couch then to bed at one o, clock he will not take a shower unless my husband asks him my husband then has to put cream on his arms and legs because he has a rash from not washing there are other issues my husband and I retired and on a fixed income we have had enough how do we get out of being p.o.a we live in Ontario canada
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My friend lived with a man for more than 20 years thinking they were married under common law statute. When the man became disabled and hospitalized she signed papers as his wife. I prepared a durable POA for her; now 3 years later she can't handle the stress of caring for him anymore. Her job is being threatened and her health is beginning to fail. She is concerned that if she resigns as agent on the POA she could be prosecuted, or held liable for his bills. She is also wanting to get him in a nursing home but they won't take him because he owns his house. Is there any hope for her?
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My mother put my brother and myself as guardians and POA's of her Heath and welfare and finances and I signed it but after 2 years she has left her home clos to me , closed her bank accounts and left town with my brother, I have no idea what is going on, since I have no knowledge of her affairs, I want off of the guardianship and power of attorney. How do I accomplish this ?
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Does it cost money, say like a lawyer fee, if i contact the lawyer my Dad has his POA / Will written with, and tell them i must resign, revoke, rescind, refuse, whatever the terminology is from being my father's POA, Executrix? I've heard it should not cost me anything, but then the lawyer might charge me a resignation fee. I can no longer carry out the duties. He is in New Jersey and I am in Maine. Thank you.
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Read the actual POA but commonly you do a statement resigning as POA and have it notarized. Make sure you know what control you are giving up and that it really is best for you and the person you are POA for.
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My son is in his late 40 and is giving me a hard time and not doing what the doctors telk him to do and i need to remove myself from power of attorney. How can i do this
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Vstefans, I was wondering about your post. It made me realize that in this kind of case I would want out fast. I guess that means I would fold fast, but in fact I'm not sure I would - just that there are situations where it really is more trouble than it is worth to deal with evil people. The best move can be to run from a snakepit - life isn't fair and the idea that the law will render justice is frankly not true in many cases. Plenty of innocent people have ended up in prison. I don't think this is cowardice so much as a realistic assessment of likelihood of actually doing good vs. spinning your wheels. You know, I read of plenty of unreasonable elders here who do not plan at all, so then how come they get to come back and criticize when their children decline to clean up their messes?
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Susan, you are asking the wrong question. If you have documentation you take that documentation to the authorities. You would not be the one to end up in prison if accusations are false. Do you have a lawyer? Do you have someone from APS on yoru side? Why is your first response to theft and then bullying to fold? How well will your dad be cared for if you resign as POA (you normally do that with a notarized statement - you would see the document itself for what it needs to say.)
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Wow! reading these stories is so heartbreaking. I DO want to take care of y Dad in his last while on this planet, but the six siblings in family are totally separated & I being one of two POA's, am being blocked at every road I take. So now they have launched allegations of elder neglect and abuse when I caought on to some money missing. I hate being left walking on egg shells n being 64 yrs old, dont feel it fair to go to prison, when none of them helped very much. I have tons of witnesses that will swear to the good care I took of my father. How can I remove myself please from the will in it's entirety. tks Susan
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Dorothydons, no one can be made a POA against their will...unless they held a gun to your head and made you sign and then successfully lied about the coercion. And, she has it wrong anyways...POA ends, not begins, at death. Often, the POA becomes the executor of the Will if there is one and its set up that way, but that can be a totally different person. You put in a call to adult protective services and tell them this person may be in need of guardianship and you cannot carry out the POA duties.
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Downandout, no, being POA does NOT mean you pay out of your own funds when his money runs out. It means you help him apply for Medicaid. Get advice about Medicaid spend-down and how it would work where you are, it wil vary state to state. Also, you don't/didn't "have to" be POA; it is possible to resign as POA and let a state-appointed guardian step in, and you would talk to either a social worker or an eldercare attorney about that. Sorry about the SSA battle, and hope you win it!
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Im in the same boat with my father, He had two strokes a week apart and his system shut down, He does not make platelets in his blood and relies on blood transfusions every fortnight.No body wanted to be his poa so I had to .I moved to his house about 2 and a half years ago to look after him but I had to put him in a nursing home as he was loosing his mind and was very abusive toward me.By law here, because I was caring for him the house should not be included in his assets for nursing home but because I was storing my stuff at my old address untill I could shift it, they say I wasnt living with him and was still paying rent at the old address. I having to fight social security. It has caused me to suffer depression and have become withdrawn .I have no friends here and feel as though I should just give up.Im 55 years old and dont want to be his power of attorney anymore as it will be the end of me when the money runs out for nursing home fees.
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My.husband asked.her older dtr do youwant the POA. Of your.mom.she said NO you can.keep.it.
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We r POA for an eldetly neighbor its become a nightmare.
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Last year.our elderly neighbor made us her POA..
We did not object but she uses us as her scap goat..
She has spent down to almost nothing in the last year..We located a place that willl take her then let her stay on..

We tried our best to have someone from the state step.in.because she was giving her care giving money away to two greedy manipulative daughters.

Its.become a mess..in order for ger.to.be admitted she needs a power if attorney so.we plan.on having our lawyer write a letter telling them and her we resign.

Its been one H*ll if a year dealing with this dysfunctional famy..She 5 hrs if care a day then.the 19hrs a day.she relies.on us we have turned.into.her.endentured slaves.

We went.on.vacation.last.month.and.she.yyelled and.screamed.at.her care.giver.that.how.dare.they.go.on.vacation.

The sad thing a.friend of ours.bought.her house and let.her stay.in.it.for.1.00 a year

In this last year she has damaged walls floors etc by ramming.her.electric wheel chair in to them.
Never again will.we be anyones POA...

She.told.us.it.only.comes.into.affect when she.dies.

What a nightmare a.good deed hads become..Her dtrs only.come.by.when they want.money.

She.expects us.to.move.her.and my.husband.said.if family.is.bringing.trucks.to get stuff they can.move..oh they r.to.busy to do that...
I feel.bad.but.not.enough.to.continue.to.be.used and abused.

The.kicker.is.she.told.family.my
Husband.has.control.of.her.money.

Which he.never.had..We.keep.being.told.her.mind.is.ok she can.give all.her.money away if she wants.

.
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I see where this can be nearly insurmountable in some situations. Would filing bankruptcy be/have been an option for any of the elders who need care, to force "assets" to be repossessed without "gifting"?
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Daughter1926. I couldn't believe that someone like me is also out there. My husband and I want to relinquish POA and DPOA for my mother. We were given this responsibility in the 1990's Judi in case. We have had it!! She has emotionally abused me for years! We have had it. My brother lives in Florida and never lifted a finger to help. The last few years have been a nightmare. Getting her into an assisted living facility, and after 4 moved finally getting Medicaid for her. We thought things were finally settling down . She keeps falling and broke her arm. She was placed in a rehab/nursing home and the plan is for her to stay. Last week I heard through another party that she wants to leave because she isn't happy there. She has done this 4 times in the last year!! Conniving behind our backs to find another facility. We thought that now that she is in a long term facility that she finally would be settled. My husband and I have had it. We bith have physical issues of our own. I have had 2 heart attacks and bypasses. I am legally blind so the burden has all fallen to my husband. Last week he wrote a letter relinquishing our POA and DPOA and want no more to do with this person I can't even bring myself to call her mother. We contacted my brother in Florida and told him we gave all his information to the nursing home. My husband and I both signed this letter and gave a copy to the social worker at the home and a copy to her. Who would have ever believed she would live to be now in her 90th year! We just don't care anymore. I don't care what happens to her now. I know that this sounds harsh , but I've put up with this person who was never motherly to me. All her attention went to my brother who has shown no interest in her. We live in NH and just can't deal with her anymore. Do we have to do more to finally get rid of these responsibilities!! I've cried years of tears over this. My husband and I just want to live our own lives. My husband just retired and we want to enjoy our own lives and my daughters and our grandchildren. You can be sure I raised them exactly opposite than I was raised., and they were told and shown daily that we loved them. A word that I never heard. We just want out!!!!
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It is no easy task being POA. My mother has Alzheimers and wasn't the problem at all. The problem was her granddaughter had taken thousands of dollars from her and I knew it would be a problem with Medicaid. All of my brothers and sisters left it to me to deal with and if my mother couldn't have stayed in a nursing home, I would have had to take her in my home, quit my job, have no life, and take care of her. They didn't care. It would have been all up to me because I was POA. And they wondered why I was a nervous wreck.
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I have a cousin that as POA has gambled away all of her mothers funds that were earmarked for her incompetent mother's assisted living costs. Her mother
has advanced stages of dimentia and I need to know how to get her daughter
to willingly give up her POA and transfer to another responsible family member.
I have the stick as leverage as I can report her to Health and Human services
and she will be arrested and convicted and sent to prison if she does not.
So what I need is the specific technical details and forms and procedures to
not only get her to resign but also what is necessary to transfer POA responsibility
to someone else. Question one is can someone with durable power of attorney
assign POA responsibility to someone else before they relinquish Durable
POA ?

IO
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If your Father is compatent?He has the right to remove you as POA.Simple as him going to the attorney and doing it.If he's able to go his self.Or you can take him if willing.
Since,he has dementia as long as he isn't taking any medications for his dementia he is still legally compatent.Unless told otherwise by his doctor.
The main question you need to answer is,Is your Father compatent not?
If he is incompatent?It's your job as his POA to find another that is willing to be his POA.You just can't leave him to the dogs.
If it's money stopping him for appling for Medicaid?As to much money in his funds so to speak.If his compatent?Tell him to drain his accounts.If ever asked where the funds went he can say he gambled it all away on lottery tickets.Tells him to start calling the 1800 gambling hotline once a month.Wait a yr and apply for Medicaid problem solved.There's Millionairs on Medicaid as we speak to this same thing.Moving money and transferring assets & titles.All these Millionairs do is transfer their funds & cars into another family member's name to hide it.And use Gambling as their reason of loss.But,as you are his POA you will answer for all that is messing if he is incompatent.Sounds to me you & Dad should of done this before POA.
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If your father is a danger to himself, where is his physician in all of that? If he is being sent to a nursing home for 21 days, his doctor can declare him non compis mentis and have him put permanently in nursing care under medication and surveillance.
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