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I have posted here about how stressed I have been with having my mother 3-4 month, 24/7 in the winter and this year upon return from Florida I was ill and turned the care of my mother over to my sister to give myself a break physically and emotionally. My sister has been doing well providing food, appointments, staying with mom when she was sick but I can see her starting to back off some now. I am the one who takes care of mom's insurance issues, med issues as she has assistance from the state paying for meds and sometimes there are issues. Yesterday my sister took mom to two doctor appointments and picked up meds I called in to the pharmacy. Mom informed me the cost of the meds, one of which was extremely high which it usually isn't. When I questioned mom as to what the pharmacy's explanation was for this, she couldn't remember and was asking my sister who was in the background. I could hear my sister's responses which she wasn't sure either what the pharmacy said. Then my sister said, "I don't know mom, it's been a long day, I'm tired." One mother with memory issues, one sister who obviously didn't pay attention, this leaves me to make a half dozen phone calls to find out why suddenly one of mom's medicines is suddenly very expensive. So much for trying to take a break for awhile. If something would happen to me, my brother and sister would be totally lost when it comes to knowing my mother's medical insurance coverage, med coverage, assets, etc. and they don't seem to want to learn. I don't want to completely uninvolve myself from mom's care but I desperately needed a break longer than a month but it looks like it can't happen.

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Great answers but my mother and sister would have no idea where to start in regards to inquiring about the med. Mom has a state sponsored drug supplement and mom or my sister have never shown interest in finding out about it. I am also the only one listed they will talk to. My sister always says, she's not a nurse and doesn't understand any insurance stuff, but she had a BS and is intelligent. I am very grateful for her taking her to appointments and doing some physical things but there is so much more.
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Blannie and CWillie make good points about different ways of doing things. I've had to accept that as well. Like a good leader, we have to learn how to maximize other's strong points and minimize their weak points, and design their tasks accordingly. And some just won't be able to meet our standards.

I keep reminding myself that caregiving is oftentimes like being an employer - we need to learn how to work with what we've got. And that includes me, and all my faults and weaknesses!
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Well, sister was tired at the time, which I get. Is there a reason why she couldn't have made the follow-up phone calls the next day to check out why it was so expensive? Bottom line is as long as you're doing it, they're not gonna do it - they don't have to.

I tried to get my brother to help out with the care of our parents (he lived in another state). I'd give him things he could do from a distance. But he asked so many questions and screwed things up so much, I wound up doing it myself. I thought it was intentional at the time, but now that my folks are both gone and his wife has passed away and I'm dealing with him alone, I see that he's just someone who is easily overwhelmed by any kind of problem. I'm the opposite- I see it as a challenge and do whatever I have to do to fix or solve it. So we're very different in that way. His way of living would drive me nuts, but it also meant I was the one to always fix every problem. He just didn't have the capacity.

You may be working with something similar. I was very angry at my brother for a long time and finally realized it was hurting me and not bothering him at all (he didn't even know). So I let that go and just did what I had to do to take care of mom and dad. I'm proud of the job I did and that I did everything I could to make their final years the best they could be. That's just who I am. And it may be who you are.

You just have to learn to pace yourself. Wait a few days to make phone calls about the cost of the med until you have the energy. If it's wrong, they can fix it four days later instead of the next day. Figure out what has to be done right away and what can be put off for a while until you have the time and focus. And do things for yourself. You have to take care of yourself first. {{{Hugs}}}
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There's a different possibility on the increased cost - a different supplier. Check the labels. Sometimes when a pharmacy can no longer get a specific med, or it finds a cheaper source, the price changes drastically.

I think you're being a bit hard on your sister for this particular instance. She had a full day, probably didn't think about asking about the cost of the med, even if she did know if had cost less at an earlier time (and if she wasn't used to purchasing the meds she wouldn't have known about the price difference).

One visit to a doctor, hauling oxygen tanks and a rollator, would tire me out. Your sister had a long and busy day. I'd give her a break, and instead of finding fault, thank her for her support. You'll get more support from her that way. At least she's trying.

I won't deny being frustrated with a nonparticipating sibling, but I know that complaining about it accomplishes nothing and would only make me more bitter.
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When we accept help, whether from family or outsiders, we also have to accept that they will do things differently... not wrong, just different. Insisting on everything done your way and your time frame is not a good way to encourage anyone, you know what they say about flies and honey!
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Karbar, sometimes, a " good enough" job is what gets done.

If you're taking a break, let it be a real break.

If mom and sis don't care or notice the extra expense, will the world end? What is the long term implication?

Let it go. It can be solved next week or later, can't it?


( p.s., two doctors appointments with my mom would have left me crying with frustration if anyone had asked me one more thing)!
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