How to get respite, when no one will come and stay?

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My husband 12 yrs older than myself, he is 70, suffered a stroke after a shunt adjustment. Communication is limited. I have chronic back pain and osteopenia in hips. His problems started in 2007 with cancer. It's as if he died and everyone moved on with their lives. Help in the beginning and now? He has 3 boys from previous marriage, and 3 sisters that are too busy living their lives. We always got along and now I feel as though their only care for me is that I take care of him. I have told them I need a break,...dead silence. My health deteriorated from caregiving. I cannot put him in nursing home as he is cognitive and yes I love him. Often wonder what would happen if I died first. Would love to hire someone to move in and help, but we have no one. I am in pain physically and emotionally. I am on pain and anti depression meds. Truly Burnt Out.

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Dear Savannah5770, you are the poster child for caregiver burnout. I fully respect your loving efforts to keep going, but this is killing you. I Googled "respite care Kentucky" and found this resource: http://archrespite.org/respite-locator-service-state-information/149-kentucky-info

I'm in Oregon. The first time I heard about caregiver respite, was from a lovely caseworker who sent us to our local county for information and help.

You deserve to feel like you're doing the right thing AND enjoy some time with your husband. (Yes, I said "enjoy.") I do hope there's something for you at that site.
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Thank you all for the help. I have researched quite a bit on the web. but not finding much for elder care here in eastern KY. I'll keep researching. I along with him have several Dr appointments coming up so I'm going to talk to one about H pylori. Yes, his sisters are about his age but in better health than I am. One lives alone and one found a new boyfriend, so she's busy busy! Lol! The oldest one I'll concede to, but 2 of them are capable to at least offer a meal? I just gave up on the whole lot of them. I'll muddle through until one of us passes.
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I assume his sisters are nearly as old as he is or older, so I kind of give them a pass, they may not feel able to do hands on caregiving for a weekend. They may also feel uncomfortable with toiletting or other activities that may be needed.
There is no excuse for his sons not taking over for a weekend or subsidizing a respite stay for him in. As for you, if he is cognitive, he needs to understand you need a rest - you are not abandoning him - one weekend at respite every other month. Look to see if the sons will chip in to hire someone at home to help you a couple of times a week, while you get a mental reset at a book store or movie.
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Savannah, have you tried to contact your states Area for aging? You can use the search engine right here on this site at the top right corner of the page, and it will give you some suggestions for your specific state, then you will get those numbers and websites, and there are a lot of services available for you, but you do have to look into them, and invest some time to get to the place you need. Often they will help you navigate your way to those resources. I hope this helps! Good luck, and by the way, I'm burnt out too, as we have been caring for my FIL now for 11 years in our home. I am ready for a break! Don't wait, get yourself some assistance!
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BTW, there are other causes of peptic ulcers, but Heliobacter is among the most common, particularly if you are not taking a lot of NSAIDS or osteoporosis medications.
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Savannah, here's a bit about the man who won a Nobel Prize for his work showing Heliobacter pylori caused peptic ulcers and could be treated with antibiotics. Even though we've known this for years, some doctors still don't treat with antibiotics. Talk to your doctor about it.

nobelprize/nobel_prizes/medicine/laureates/2005/press.html
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JessieBelle, My doctor put me on medicine for ulcers but not an antibiotic. I have one living sibling and he is a caregiver for our parents, they live next door to him. Thank heaven he helped me last week. Some people should learn how to care, let alone be caregivers. I hope those that have not been there for me never have need from me... I strive to be a good Christian but they make it hard. Oh well, I think it helps me to be able to relate to people who are or have been in my shoes.
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It's sad when a caregiver has to go to the hospital or the grave to get a break. It would have been nice if someone had stayed another day or so you could get back on your feet well. Are your ulcers bleeding? Has your doctors prescribed antibiotics for them? Some doctors still don't do this.
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JessieBelle, thanks for the response. I can't afford NH for respite if Medicare doesn't pay. Last week I was taken to Hospital ER with stomach ailments, via a friend, who also called my husbands sister to come stay til I got home. One of his sons stayed both nights. She said she cannot change him etc...I was there 2 nights. Believe me... No Repite there. His family was only concerned as to when I was coming home, and when I was brought home he left and not once asked how I am or why I was even at Hospital. I have tried to remain calm as this is Ulcers I'm dealing with but its hard. As long as I am here putting one foot in front of the other... I suppose??
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Savannah, I know what you are talking about when it comes to arranging respite. How do you think your husband would feel about going into a facility for a week or two so you could take some time off? Many nursing facilities offer limited respite care. It is pricey, but if you can afford it and your husband would be okay with it, it is an option.

What I really wish is that one (or more) of the family members could stay with him while you get away for a while. Since your husband isn't a social person, it would probably be the option he was most open to.

I would definitely set up a plan so that you can get away from the house often without worrying about him. It will help keep you refreshed and you won't feel so rushed when you're doing the shopping. We all need to stay refreshed to keep ourselves from falling into despair.
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