How to get my husband to a doctor?

Assuming this isn't a mental health issue... paranoia can come with dementia. By time you are seeing more frequent occurances, he is probably already in a moderate stage. I'm so sorry for how distressing this is. My Mom is 95 and also occasionally has bouts of it and there's no way to combat it, outside of medication (and even that isn't a perfect solution). Does your husband have an assigned PoA for his medical and financial affairs? If so this person needs to read the document to see what activates the authority. It is usually 1 official medical diagnosis of sufficient impairment. Please know that if he has no PoA and refuses to create one, then any dementia diagnosis in his future will most likely prevent him from being able to create one. This means you may need to pursue guardianship through the courts. If you don't do this then eventually when he is "bad enough" the county APS will most likely need to be involved and he will get a court-assigned one and you will lose control of managing his affairs and making his decisions. How to get him to see his doctor? You will need to try a therapeutic fib: "I'm making my annual free Medicare wellness exam... should I make one for you, too?" or, "This year there's a new rule that Medicare (or SS) requires an annual exam. Should I makes our right now?" Then you will need to go into his medical portal and tell the doc the symptoms you are seeing and that you want more than just a mini cog test if possible. Or you call them ahead of time, or you pass them a pre-written note when he shows up for the exam. If you are at all able, try to be in the room during the exam so that you can know what's been said and whether he is being accurate with his answers. You can offer for him to be in the room for your exam, as well if this helps get him to allow you in his. I would talk to an experienced and certified elder law attorney for guidance (since rules can vary by state and this is a global forum). You may even need to go so far as to file for divorce to protect your half of assets if you cannot get him to cooperate or prevent him from spending money uselessly and out of his paranoia. You may need to consider removing him from the home or you leaving (there is recently another post from a woman whose very loving "protector" husband with FTD wrestled her to the ground and was violent with her for the first time. I'm giving you the full picture of possibles here so that you act today to protect yourself. FYI if he ever makes even a verbal threat against you, you MUST call 911 to report it (not a neighbor or family member but actual 911). You can tell the EMTs he is delusional and "not himself" and may have an untreated UTI or other *medical* condition. They will probably not come if you tell them he is having a mental or cognitive problem. Once at the ER you make sure you tell the discharge staff that he is an "unsafe discharge" because he's threatened you and you no longer feel safe in your own home. The hospital may then opt to move him to the psych wing as a social admit where they may attempt to get him on meds (after the ER checks he has no medical reason for his paranoia). Make sure to discretely video as much of his behaviors at home as possible so that he can't put up a good show for any medical team. I wish you all the best as you work to protect yourself and get him the appropriate care and treatment he needs.

The thing is, he really needs to get to the hospital for a work up including to see if he has a UTI. So the next time he is acting all agitated and paranoid, call 911 (don’t tell him… just quietly go in the other room and call) and tell them he is acting out of sorts and he needs to be checked for a UTI. Don’t mention dementia or anything like that as that is not an emergency.

Aside from also calling APS, that is really all you can do right now.

Good luck. A lot of are waiting for “the big event” that puts out family member in the hospital for an evaluation.

Sadly it definitely sounds like your husband now has one of the many dementias, as paranoia is a common symptom.
I would call 911 and tell the EMT's that you believe your husband has a UTI(yes you'll have to lie about that)and don't mention anything about dementia.
Insist that he be taken to the hospital to be checked out because he's been "acting weird" lately and you think it may be a UTI.
Then once at the hospital and the doctors have checked him out, you tell them about his paranoia, and see if you can get him diagnosed and even put on some medications for his paranoia.
Time now to educate yourself about this horrific disease of dementia, so you're better prepared for what lies a head.
I wish you well as you walk this very difficult road with your husband.

Call APS, Adult Protective Services in your area in order to open a case.
They can come to assess an elder in danger and at risk and can even support EMS transfer to hospital for evaluation and support. This could be, if sudden, as simple as a severe UTI. If this has been ongoing for a while you are more likely looking at dementia which may require placement of your husband.

Call your local council on aging as well. Look it up online for your city or county.
Good luck.

He needs to be medicated.

You need to take control and get him the medical evaluation / medical support he needs. You DO NOT negotiate with a person in his mental situation (dementia).
You need to contact his MD yesterday.

He is not in his right mind; he has lost / is losing brain cells/functioning.
You DO NOT leave decision making up to him.

Tell him you are taking him out for a lunch lunch then take him to an MD appointment. You tell him the family is going out for a special event. It doesn't matter what you tell him - you need to get him in the car and to an MD appt however you can.
--- If you do not, it will / he will possibly 'wait' until he has a fall or injures himself or another ... and an emergency situation happens and an ambulence takes him to a hospital. But this could be a 'long' time from now. You do not want to wait for an accident to happen to get his medical needs met.

I recommend you do this ASAP.

You start to look for facilities - at least call and visit.
This is a situation that you cannot handle / manage on your own.

You can put a lock(s) on his man-cave so he cannot get into it / areas of the house that he locks himself into. You cannot handle this. Get help asap.

What do the hot lines ? Alz Assoc tell you to do?

Gena / Touch Matters

I am his PoA.

Snuffy62: Contact APS.