How to get Mom to wipe properly after a poo?

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How to get Mom to wipe properly after a poo?

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There is no magic phrase that makes it easy to tell someone they aren't managing toileting properly, one of the central requirements of being a caregiver is to get over feelings of squeamishness and modesty and just get on with it. Aside from pointing out the evidence that she is not able to take care of this sufficiently you need a solution to offer - whether you want to use wipes or a bidet or you need to step up and wipe for her (yeah, it can come to that and believe me none of us ever envisioned going there) is up to you.

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I'm not being squeamish, or modest. I have no problem cleaning her up, and did when she was recovering from a broken back. I've used suppositories with her when needed. It's none of that.

I'm simply asking for people's experience in discussing this without infantilizing the person. She struggles with her dignity as it is, and just doesn't have the sight (macular degeneration) or sense of smell (long gone) or awareness.

I'm fully aware of the solutions and alternatives, I'm asking about your experience with language and dignity.

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Folks - I don't need info on wipes or bidets or sewage systems. I need help in having the conversation. How to discuss it and still retain her dignity.

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My mom doesn't enjoy bathing so when I want her to bathe I just say, mom, you're begining to smell funny so we need to get you a bath and she will do it. Maybe you can say something like that and give her the wipes to help her stay "fresh" smelling.

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My mom uses flushable wipes, and they ARE flushable. That is to say there have been no situations of backed up toilets at the ALF where she lives, or the wipes would have been banned long ago. All of us on on a sewer system here, so I don't know about septic systems........that may be a different story altogether! Cottonelle makes a small wipe (which she dislikes due to their small size) which may be a good option if you're worried about clogging up the toilet.
Best of luck!

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Even if they don't clog household plumbing these wipes are a HUGE problem in municipal sewage treatment plants.

https://www.metro.us/news/local-news/new-york/inside-nyc-largest-wastewater-treatment-flushable-wipes

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Oh yeah, don't have her use wipes unless she can be trusted not to flush, they are definitely not safe in both septic or sewer.
Another option is the toilet bidet, these range from very basic to cadillac models, AgingCare advertises a couple of basic models

https://www.agingcare.com/products/sanitary-bidet-161675.htm

https://www.agingcare.com/products/hands-free-bidet-toilet-attachment-445749.htm

or you can see more high end options on the web.

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Thought of a bidet, but it would mean teaching her to use it, and she's not really in the learning new things stage of life. I'll look into these though, thanks.

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She may need wet wipes to do a good job. FYI: even though they say flushable, they are not, could definitely cause problems.

Or, she may need help because range of motion changes and as we all know it's already a tough yoga stretch, add any issues and you don't get a thorough job.

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How to get Mom to wipe properly after a poo?

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