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Is it time for a permanent change? Mother developed a septic infection and ended up in the hospital for 5 days. She was very weak and is now in a rehab facility. She did not want to go there, but I told her she could not come home unless she was back on her feet again. (I have been living with mom and providing care for last year.) Her mobility is limited due to arthritis and various other problems but she should be able to get from bed to bathroom and back and from bed to chair and back. I am disabled myself with balance issues and can not risk both of us getting hurt if she needs more assistance with moving.
She is very negative with therapists and quite rude ("the fat one with the red hair"...) I told her she needs to reach the goals if she wants to come home but each day she seems to do less. I had to get the therapy people to write down specific goals...Don't they know this is what is needed?
It has been nice in some ways having mom in a rehab place, (I actually stayed at my own home for the past week!), but it is hard to let go of the control - What meds are you giving her? How come she is not in a proper recliner when her feet need elevating? Have you considered increasing this or that?
And I do worry about her safety...nice place but not as responsive as I had hoped nor as "senior savy" as I expected.
We went to an activity on another floor - actually the locked floor - and mom enjoyed the singing but I ended up running the activity as they had too little staff for the group and one of the other residents took a tumble when she tried to bolt.
I have tried to only visit in short spurts once in am and once in pm if my son (her grandson) can't visit. but running back and forth is tiring too.
Suggestions? Tips? Positive thoughts? Do you think counseling could help?

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That's great news! In addition to mom's comfort and care, you also need to factor in what works better for you and your life. It sounds like a structured environment is great for mom. If you think that's best for her and for you in the long-term, let mom know that it's nice to be a "daughter" again and it's making your life so much better and taking stress off of you.

If your mom is like my mom (and I don't know that she is), that will help her decide to go into assisted living. Good luck and keep us posted!
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Yes I think that the community is part of her feeling better. Also I think the infection was present for a LOT longer than we knew. UTI became septic infection. Mentally mom is MUCH clearer than she has been in quite some time. My son discovered there are some kind of strips that can detect UTI's and cost about 3 for $10...much cheaper than week in hospital and multi weeks in rehab. And perhaps a good routine to keep watch since symptoms are vague for her.
Will talk with mom about assisted living again...and the benefit of her being around others. She has enjoyed attending daily mass and has every meal with others. I have enjoyed just visiting and being a almost just a daughter for a change!
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glasshalffull, that is good news. Now, watch your Mom once she gets home, if you see her not being herself, maybe she liked being in a rehab facility environment because she was around people of her own age group to talk to, group meals in the dining room, and activities to do. I have heard that some elders perk up being placed in assistant living/nursing facilities.
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Update: Mom is getting stronger! Today we took her out of rehab for a Lunch at the senior center. She was much stronger and able to transfer better than BEFORE she was in hospital. Am praying for continued progress and have begun talking with Mom about my need to be at home several days (nights) a week once she goes home. (Date still to be determined.)
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i agree with both answers. My dad is currently going through this. Depression meds may work wonders. Patients also have to give up a control - in many ways. good luck.
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I look at it this way, my gosh, she is 90 years old.... one doesn't expect a 90 year old to come out of rehab physical therapy at the same speed as someone years younger.... it just isn't going to happen.

We need to stop and think, for every 1 year an elder gets older, it is more like 5 years they have aged. I see that with my parents, I remember when they both use to walk 2 miles a day just 6 years ago.... now Dad [93] can barely get down his driveway to get the mail using a rolling walker.
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Suggestion: meds for depression/anxiety. Don't visit every day, encourage her to socialize with her roommate/floormates. Praise every little gain. Rehab patients are assessed weekly, be sure you get the update from the Nurse on the day it happens.
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