Just as toddlers are happy to play NEXT to another child as opposed to playing WITH another child, so, too, do some seniors feel more comfortable being observers rather than participants.
My mother had macular degeneration and couldn't see well enough to do most of the activities at her place, and she would never have played bingo if her life depended on it, but her caregivers would nonetheless bring her out and have her near where all that action was going on. Since she was in a wheelchair, she didn't have the freedom to retreat to her room and was at the mercy of the caregivers, but it was good for her to feel included without being required to participate.
Perhaps encourage the caregivers at your mom's place to try the same approach.
Hi Muskie, when my mother was first placed in memory care she would stay in her room. My mother was always very social but the change from being in her own home to a senior residence (no matter how lovely the residence was) was understandably difficult for her. Especially since her dementia made her believe she was thinking perfectly clearly and only forgetting a word here and there. Which sadly was far from the truth. When I was visiting her I would ask the caregivers about activités and my mother and they told me that the best thing I could do to get her involved with them was join in the activities while visiting her. And truly join in, not just bring her to the activity and stand off to the side while she participated. After doing that for a bit she started to warm up to some of the activités. Like everyone some activités are fun some were not her cup of tea. I also let the caregivers know if there were things that my mother used to enjoy doing. If it was doable they would try the activity out. It didn’t always work. I think with Alzheimer’s and age my mother’s tastes were changing so they (we) all tried to go along with the change. In time she did seem to start socializing a little more then before and started to make some friends. i hope this helps a little bit.
Some people were never going to be big party people or into direct socialization with huge groups of people, tho. If your mother has always been like that, that is who she is.
You don't say how old your mom is, and how long she's been in AL, nor if her depression (as mentioned in your profile) is being treated. Are you her PoA? If so I would start by talking to her doctor about meds to address her depression. This is a common aspect of aging, decline and dementia. You won't know if her disinterest in activities/socializing is from depression (which can be treatable to a point) or to her cognitive decline (which won't be treatable).
I have been in your shoes. My MIL was transitioned into a lovely and reputable AL but never participated in any of the activities, even when we asked the staff to come around and actively invite her. In fact, she stopped getting out of bed, just refusing. No real medical reason. Now she is in LTC in same facility, now she can't get out of bed. BUT her dementia made her "forget" that she refused to socialize so now she does all kinds of things and even eats with others (they have to hoist her out of bed, no small feat).
I agree with cwillie that going to activities with her is a good solution.
Your best strategy is mostly about you. You must now have NO expectations of what your mom "should" do, "could" do, etc. Work on having peace in your heart that you're doing right by her, even if she isn't participating. Go to bed with a clear conscience. God bless you (((hugs)))
Was your mom previously an outgoing woman who enjoyed joining in community events? If not it's unrealistic to expect that she would have any desire to join in with activities in her AL, and frankly much of the activities offered often sound good but are in fact pretty sub par and inane. If there are things you are sure she would enjoy then I would make a point to attend with her, once you get her used to going and she's met a few others that she can relate to she may be more comfortable attending solo.
My mother had macular degeneration and couldn't see well enough to do most of the activities at her place, and she would never have played bingo if her life depended on it, but her caregivers would nonetheless bring her out and have her near where all that action was going on. Since she was in a wheelchair, she didn't have the freedom to retreat to her room and was at the mercy of the caregivers, but it was good for her to feel included without being required to participate.
Perhaps encourage the caregivers at your mom's place to try the same approach.
when my mother was first placed in memory care she would stay in her room. My mother was always very social but the change from being in her own home to a senior residence (no matter how lovely the residence was) was understandably difficult for her. Especially since her dementia made her believe she was thinking perfectly clearly and only forgetting a word here and there. Which sadly was far from the truth. When I was visiting her I would ask the caregivers about activités and my mother and they told me that the best thing I could do to get her involved with them was join in the activities while visiting her. And truly join in, not just bring her to the activity and stand off to the side while she participated. After doing that for a bit she started to warm up to some of the activités. Like everyone some activités are fun some were not her cup of tea. I also let the caregivers know if there were things that my mother used to enjoy doing. If it was doable they would try the activity out. It didn’t always work. I think with Alzheimer’s and age my mother’s tastes were changing so they (we) all tried to go along with the change. In time she did seem to start socializing a little more then before and started to make some friends.
i hope this helps a little bit.
I have been in your shoes. My MIL was transitioned into a lovely and reputable AL but never participated in any of the activities, even when we asked the staff to come around and actively invite her. In fact, she stopped getting out of bed, just refusing. No real medical reason. Now she is in LTC in same facility, now she can't get out of bed. BUT her dementia made her "forget" that she refused to socialize so now she does all kinds of things and even eats with others (they have to hoist her out of bed, no small feat).
I agree with cwillie that going to activities with her is a good solution.
Your best strategy is mostly about you. You must now have NO expectations of what your mom "should" do, "could" do, etc. Work on having peace in your heart that you're doing right by her, even if she isn't participating. Go to bed with a clear conscience. God bless you (((hugs)))
If there are things you are sure she would enjoy then I would make a point to attend with her, once you get her used to going and she's met a few others that she can relate to she may be more comfortable attending solo.