How to get your mind off caregiving when you are around that person for 24/7?


I have to be around my Mother for 24 hours a day. She has advanced parkinsons and can not do anything by herself. I have to give her medication every hour so I cant really leave her. Ive had to quit my job and drop my classes in college. Im only 21 and have been living like this since I was 18. I have 4 other older siblings that refuse to even see my mom. I feel guilty that I want to leave the house, but I am just so sad and depressed. I cry everyday and pray for guidance. My mom refuses to get a nurse so I feel like I am missing out on life and I dont know how much more I can take :(

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My God, how I understand. May The Lord send help your way, dear. Love and hugs.
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You should not quit you college classes to care for your mom, you need to look out for your future. Most colleges and universities offer online courses that you can do from home. Today is the first day of classes most places so you could add online courses until Friday.

Contact your commission on aging, they can administer a needs assessment. They may be able to get her an aide for a few hours a week and a lifeline if there is an emergency. They may also be able to get her qualified for medicaid waiver which could provide her with a medication dispenser and a nurse to set them up...then all she would have to do is push a button. In addition, they may be able to get you paid for caregiving.

If your siblings dont want to help, you cannot force them to but you can set boundaries with your mom. Patients have rights but you have the right to refuse.

To get my mind off caregiving when I was around the patients 24/7, i invested in a good set of earphones and turned my ringer off. If it was an emergency, they could press their button and lifeline would call me. I got to the point that a dropped remote control was a life and death emergency so I ignored alot.

Lastly, set up an appointment with your doctor for a physical. Caregiving can effect someone both mentally and physically. I personally had to get something to help me sleep and for the anxiety I felt.
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Here is a brief, tough love concept:
Your mother is so ill that she does not get to choose anymore.
Bring help into the home, or have her admitted temporarily to a facility that can jumpstart improvement for her illness. This facility is often the E.R. in a crisis.

Caregivers lives matter too!

This, coming from me, a protector of elderly rights to dignity, choice, independence as long as possible.
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And what will your mother do when you leave?

I know that your answer will be that you're not going anywhere, you couldn't possibly leave, and so on. But hey! - everybody else has. Why not you? Can you bear to see your mother like this, 24/7, without respite? You've got better reasons than most not to be able to.

Call your siblings. Invite them together to your home. Explain that the purpose of this gathering is to discuss your (your plural, as in all of you) mother's care looking ahead; and you would appreciate it if they came equipped with some positive proposals, because you have a life to be getting on with, school to attend, stuff like that, and will not be there indefinitely.

Is the age gap between you and your siblings significant? Is there a difficult chapter in the family's story attached to that, which might also help to explain their attitude?
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She is on Carbidopa/Levodopa medication. She does not want a nurse because she does not like anyone in her home. I do blame my siblings because they are in their 40s and do not have kids, or jobs so they have alot of time that they should be spending with our mother. they say they do not come over because it hurts them to see her like this, but I believe that if we would just all alternate a couple days to take care of her, eveything would be ok. But they refuse. Since I am the youngest they pretty much just dumped her on me since I was still living with her when she got ill.
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What medication do you have to give her every hour?

Why does your mother refuse nursing care?

Given your mother's indifference to her child's (i.e. your) welfare, do you blame your siblings for getting out of there?

You must be very worried about your mother. You must also feel terribly sorry for her - goodness! I feel sorry for her, and all I know is what you've just told us.

But your situation is beyond reason, and has to change. Only one person who can make that happen...
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